Change of Heart
by yintotheyang
Summary: What happens when the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with is not the love of your life?
1. Prologue

A/N – A new story! As a preface, all I really have to say is GH details don't apply here. Backgrounds are different and you will see how as we go. Also, this is different from anything I've done before, but remember to trust me and my love for Jolu. Comments would be appreciated! And on to _Change of Heart_...

**Prologue – Wedding Bells**

Lulu looked in the mirror. She had a strange feeling. A feeling she had been experiencing for the last six weeks. Everyone and their dogs had told her it was cold feet. That it was normal. She had never considered herself normal before and she didn't think the feeling was cold feet. She thought it was something else.

Carly came up behind her and kissed her cheek. She smiled at her cousin in the mirror and Lulu smiled back. A fake smile. She wasn't unhappy, but she wasn't as happy as she should have been. She didn't look as happy as her mom did in the pictures of her parent's wedding.

"You look beautiful," Carly complimented.

"Thanks," Lulu offered. "How long before we start?"

"About twenty minutes," Carly answered. "I had better go make sure everything is in place."

"Alright," Lulu replied. "I'll be waiting."

She would be waiting. She had been waiting for this day for a long time. Their two year engagement was finally coming to an end. They had been together since her first day in English Literature when she had come in late and the last seat was in the back next to the class clown. He had traded with her so she could focus and they had been inseparable after that. They had managed the long distance relationship when he was in medical school and she was in law school. They had even landed jobs in the same town to start their careers. Now they were finally getting married.

Lulu sighed. They were getting married at what had turned out to be an inopportune time. She had worked hard and Alexis had finally appointed her assistant district attorney. The problem was she had also brought in someone from out of town to be the other ADA. Someone Lulu didn't know. Someone who would be starting Monday while Lulu was on her two week honeymoon. Someone who would be getting the edge in the race to replace Alexis when she retired.

The new guy was from Buffalo and he brought with him a stellar record. Lulu was already intimidated but her Spencer pride kept her from showing her nerves. Spencer. After today she would no longer be a Spencer. She couldn't help but feel like her Spencer traits were going to be lost with the loss of the name. The long engagement had given her plenty of time to consider things like changing her name or keeping it, but she never once considered the importance of the decision. She wondered if her new husband would mind if she stayed Lulu Spencer or if he was the kind of guy who took pride in giving his girl his name. She then wondered if that was the kind of thing she should know about the man she was marrying.

It wasn't that she didn't love him because she did. It wasn't that he didn't make her happy because he did. It was something else. A strange feeling that wasn't just cold feet. She heard Carly come back into the room and she tried to focus on her coming nuptials. She hadn't written any vows or even thought about them. The wedding probably never would have happened if it was left up to her. Carly had taken care of everything and even decided what dress was best because Lulu had been unable to decide. Lulu wasn't the kind of girl who dreamed of her wedding day all her life and she thought maybe that was why she was so nonchalant about the details.

"Are you ready?" Carly asked with a smile, breaking Lulu's train of thought.

"Has it been twenty minutes already?" Lulu questioned in disbelief.

"Yeah," Carly nodded.

"Okay," Lulu said, standing up. "I guess I have to be then."

"Your dad wants a minute with you and then we're ready to go," Carly advised. "Remember to look at him as you walk down the aisle so you don't get nervous because of all the people."

"That's good advice," Lulu noted.

"I've had practice with weddings," Carly said sarcastically.

Lulu laughed as Carly walked out of the room. She took a deep breath. These were her last moments as an unmarried woman. She heard a knock at the door, followed by Luke peeking his head in and smiling. He walked into the room with, in a surprisingly fatherly manner, tears in his eyes.

"I can't believe my little girl is getting married today," Luke said, shaking his head.

"I'm not a little girl anymore," Lulu reminded him.

"Doesn't make it any easier," Luke smiled. "I just wanted to tell you I love you. I know I may be marrying you off, but I will always be here if you really need me."

"I know, dad," Lulu nodded. "Thank you. I love you and even if I am married, I guess I will always be your little girl."

Luke smiled wider and offered Lulu his arm. She took it and they exited her dressing room and headed for the chapel. She stopped as she heard the music for the bridesmaids and she watched them all begin marching down the aisle. The double doors closed once Carly was through them and she and Luke positioned themselves. She heard the wedding march start and the doors opened. She followed Carly's advice and locked her eyes with the dark brown ones that she knew so well.

Her body of its own accord began moving toward him. She never broke his gaze as she put one foot in front of the other until she was standing beside him. Luke put her hand in his and she offered a smile that was real. She did love him. This was the right thing to do. The minister began the ceremony and Lulu tried to focus on his words. However, her mind began to wander again. She thought of all that had to be done at the reception before she could finally escape Port Charles and get to the honeymoon.

Her mind continued to be bogged down throughout the ceremony. Lulu spoke when prompted, but she didn't seem to know what she was saying. She was going through the motions of a day that she was supposed to remember for the rest of her life. She found his eyes again and noticed he seemed as distracted as she was. That's why they were compatible. The minister seemed to be finishing and Lulu forced herself to listen to his words.

"By the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife," he said fluently. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. You may kiss your bride."

Lulu smiled as he leaned in and kissed her softly. They were never much for public displays of affection and she knew this was no different. He pulled back and kissed her forehead lovingly. She was married.

"Ladies and gentleman, I present to you for the first time ever," the minister announced. "Dr. and Mrs. Matt Hunter."

* * *

Lulu sat at the wedding party table. She and Matt had cut the cake and danced. She still had to throw her bouquet, but that didn't seem like it would happen soon. Matt was dancing with his sister-in-law and Carly and anyone else who asked him. Lulu would have danced too, but besides Luke no one had asked her. Everyone seemed caught up in their own worlds and Lulu was glad they were having a good time. Patrick came to her table and sat down with a smile.

"I can't believe you two finally did it," Patrick laughed. "You were engaged forever."

"We just didn't have time to be a married couple until now," Lulu replied.

"Well I'm glad you do now," Patrick said rather loudly and Lulu realized he was drunk. "It's great having a sister."

He hugged her awkwardly and then went back to the dance floor. Lulu shook her head and laughed. Her new brother-in-law was certainly funny. Patrick had always been nice to her and he had been the one to make sure Matt got a job in Port Charles so they would be in the same town. The next person to come by the table was Matt.

"Do you want to dance again, Mrs. Hunter?" Matt asked.

"The dance floor is pretty crowded," Lulu noted. "Plus, you're probably worn out. You've been out there several times."

"I have another dance in me for my new bride," Matt said sweetly.

Lulu hated to say no, but she really didn't want to dance. Her wedding dress might have looked perfect, but it was not made to move around in. Walking was difficult enough and slow dancing to a rhythm had been nearly impossible. She couldn't imagine trying to move to the upbeat music that was playing now. Her save came when Alexis and Diane came to the table at the same time.

"Hey newlyweds," Alexis greeted.

"Lulu, I love your dress," Diane squealed. "And you look handsome yourself, Dr. Hunter."

"Thanks," Matt smiled.

"Matt, do you mind if I steal Lulu away for some last minute business before you two head off to Hawaii?" Alexis wondered.

"No, I was thinking of pulling Ms. Miller around the dance floor anyway," Matt replied. "If she's interested."

"Why of course," Diane beamed and they headed off.

"What business?" Lulu questioned.

"Well, your fellow ADA got into town last night and I felt wrong not bringing him to the wedding," Alexis explained. "I was thinking you two should meet and talk for a little bit before he starts next week."

"Okay," Lulu agreed, standing up. "Where is he?"

"He's over at my table," Alexis answered, leading Lulu over to her table. "I really want you two to get along. I hope you'll work well together."

"I'm sure we will," Lulu offered as they stopped in front of the table.

"Hey," Alexis said, getting the man's attention. "This is Lulu Spencer, the other ADA I was talking about earlier and the beautiful bride. I plan on having you two work closely together. Lulu, this is Johnny Zacchara."


	2. Adversary

A/N – I appreciate all of the comments I've gotten so far! I think there is some obvious angst in this one, but I hope everyone sticks with me! Happy reading and leave me a review!

**Chapter 1 – Adversary**

Lulu was hustling around her house trying to get ready. Her two week honeymoon had been great, but she was behind on work and she needed to get to the office early. Of course, since she needed to be early, she was late. And her new husband wasn't helping matters any.

"Lu, do you know what box my scrubs are in?" Matt called from the bedroom.

"Probably the one marked Matt's clothes," Lulu said sarcastically.

Moving into their new house only two days before the wedding was backfiring. Nothing was unpacked and it made getting ready impossible. She couldn't even make coffee because the coffee pot was buried in a box and so were all the mugs. She gathered all of her things and was heading out the door when Matt stopped her.

"Hey, baby," Matt said, coming into the room.

"What?" Lulu asked.

"Were you going to leave without kissing me goodbye?" Matt wondered.

"I had planned on it," Lulu replied. "I'm late."

"The office doesn't open for another hour," Matt pointed out.

"But I'm two weeks behind on my job," Lulu sighed. "I need more than an hour to catch up on two weeks."

"Well have fun," Matt laughed, kissing her quickly.

"You're working late right?" Lulu questioned.

"Yeah," Matt nodded.

"I probably will too," Lulu said thoughtfully. "I can use that time to catch up."

"Okay, text me or something," Matt responded.

Lulu nodded and left the house. She found it so odd that she would have to text someone because she was working late. She still wasn't used to being married and having someone pay so much attention to everything she did. She got in her car and headed to the office at a rather fast pace. While she drove she thought of Johnny. Their one conversation had seemed nice, but she still considered him her enemy.

"_Hi," Lulu managed to get out. _

"_Hi," Johnny replied, shaking her hand. _

"_I'm going to leave you two to talk," Alexis said, hurrying from the table. _

"_It was a beautiful wedding," Johnny offered. _

"_Thanks," Lulu smiled. "It went by really fast to me." _

"_I'm sure that's normal," Johnny responded and they fell into an awkward silence that Johnny broke after awhile. "Can I ask you something?" _

"_Sure," Lulu nodded. _

"_Are we supposed to be talking about something right now?" Johnny wondered. _

"_I think we are supposed to be getting to know each other," Lulu laughed. "Although I don't know why." _

"_Well we will be working together a lot," Johnny said softly. "I guess she wants us to be friends." _

"_What do you want?" Lulu asked. _

"_I don't really make friends with anyone," Johnny answered. "I just keep to myself and my work." _

"_Me too," Lulu agreed. _

"_So we agree that we don't want to be friends?" Johnny questioned. _

"_Sure," Lulu shrugged. _

Lulu was relieved by that conversation. If she didn't have to pretend to be friends with Johnny it would be easier to consider him her adversary, which is what he was. She pulled up to the office and took a deep breath after parking. She had to remain cool and poised. She was going to be the next district attorney of Port Charles and that meant having a calm exterior even when her interior was anything but calm.

She strutted into the building and into her office. She found a thick file on her desk and she eyed it curiously. She set her things in a chair and examined the file. It was a file of six cases that were her responsibility. The note on top told her to be caught up on them by the end of the day and to be prepared to go to court by Wednesday. Her eyes were wide as she leafed through it. Each case probably had twelve statements to go with it.

"You look like a deer in the headlights," Johnny laughed from the doorway.

"What are you doing here?" Lulu asked.

"I work here," Johnny replied. "I think you do too although this is the first time I've seen you in this office. Which is sad because I think it's bigger than mine."

"I'm pretty sure they're the same," Lulu responded. "And I meant what are you doing in my office?"

"I thought maybe you would want some help with those cases," Johnny answered. "I was handling them while you were gone."

"Why did you dump them on me?" Lulu wondered.

"Alexis instructed me to give you half of my workload," Johnny explained. "I gave you the easiest ones because I figured it would take awhile to get into the flow of things. But if you can't handle it you can give some of them back. I'm sure Alexis wouldn't mind."

"I can handle it," Lulu snapped.

"Let's get one thing straight," Johnny suggested. "Trying to compete with me will get you nowhere. I'm a great lawyer and an even better competitor. Not that I want to compete with you, but if that's what you try and do, you'll lose."

"You don't even know me," Lulu said angrily. "I'm a great lawyer, too."

"You're right," Johnny laughed. "I don't know you. Because you haven't been here for two weeks. But I have. For two weeks I've impressed Alexis with my work skills while you were having fun in the sun. I have a two week head start that will take you quite awhile to overcome."

"Do you have a point?" Lulu asked with malice.

"It's in your best interest to work with me instead of against me," Johnny advised. "Because even if you're a great lawyer it will hurt you to do the latter."

Lulu was about to respond when Alexis breezed into the office.

"Good to see you're making sure she's ready," Alexis smiled. "Lulu, Gerald White's hearing got moved to today, so I have to steal Johnny. I'm sure you can understand all of the cases anyway. If not, just note what you have trouble with and Johnny will come by after court today. You don't mind right?"

"Of course not," Johnny replied.

"Great," Alexis sighed. "Let's go. Bye, Lulu."

"Bye," Lulu replied before looking at Johnny. "What are you waiting for?"

"I was just wondering if you are always this uptight," Johnny smirked.

"And if I am?" Lulu countered.

"I'm going to have a lot of fun at your expense," Johnny said, walking out the door.

Lulu sighed in frustration and followed him, closing the door, so she would have no more unwelcome visitors. She walked back behind her desk and sat down and started working on getting up to speed on all the cases.

* * *

Johnny checked his watch. It was after six before court let out and he doubted Lulu was even still around. He decided to check anyway and he knocked lightly on her door. She didn't answer, but he could hear her muttering to herself. He laughed to himself as he listened to her quizzing herself about the cases. He turned the doorknob quietly and stepped into her office.

"How many times was the victim hit on the head in the Flores case?" Lulu asked herself.

"Ten," Johnny answered and she jumped. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Don't you knock?" Lulu demanded.

"I did, but you didn't answer," Johnny replied. "I heard you in here, so I thought I would come in and see if you needed anything."

"No, I'm fine," Lulu responded. "You left good notes."

"I tried," Johnny offered.

"How did the trial go today?" Lulu wondered.

"Great," Johnny smiled. "The defense doesn't have a chance."

"Good," Lulu yawned.

"You know you don't have to memorize every detail of the cases," Johnny said, sitting across from her. "You should go home and get some rest."

"I'm not finished yet," Lulu argued. "I just need some coffee."

"Whatever you say," Johnny laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," Lulu said, looking back at her notes.

Johnny got up and walked out of the office. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it. He was regretting telling Lulu they shouldn't be friends because he wanted to be friends with her. She was beautiful and spunky and he enjoyed going back and forth with her. He rolled his eyes at his own thoughts. She thought of him as a rival. She would have never wanted to be friends anyway.

* * *

Lulu slammed the front door as she came into the house. She found Matt sitting on the couch eating Chinese food from a carton. He didn't react to her mood and she figured it was because he was in one of his own. She set her things down and dug through the refrigerator.

"Did you buy me any?" Lulu called to Matt.

"You never sent me a message about when you were coming home," Matt answered. "I thought you had already eaten."

"I forgot," Lulu offered. "I had a bad day. I told you about Johnny right? Well apparently Alexis loves him already and he is really arrogant. I am not looking forward to working with him all the time."

"Why would you be working with him all the time?" Matt asked.

"Alexis wants us to," Lulu complained. "She wants us to be a team or something. I can't imagine spending more than five minutes with him at a time. He drives me crazy. He basically told me today that I had no chance at being a better lawyer than him. He doesn't know anything about me. I will prove him wrong. He'll regret not treating me better."

"Are you done ranting?" Matt wondered.

"What am I bothering you?" Lulu countered.

"A little," Matt nodded.

"Sorry," Lulu said sarcastically. "I'll just go get my own food and shut up."

"That's not what I said, Lu," Matt sighed.

"You didn't have to say it," Lulu said angrily. "I'll be back later."

"When is later?" Matt questioned.

"You'll figure it out," Lulu answered.


	3. Case of the Year

A/N – Okay, so this chapter sets up a big part of the story. Some time has passed since the last chapter, just so everyone knows. Alright, read and enjoy and please leave me a review!

**Chapter 2 – Case of the Year**

Matt had been feeling the tension with Lulu ever since she had gone back to work and he didn't like it. He knew he should support her in her work, but she didn't exactly support him. She hadn't once asked him about a surgery or a patient the way she used to and it bothered him. He decided to try and make up for whatever he had done wrong and surprise her by bringing her lunch.

"Hey," Matt said, knocking on her door.

"Um, hi," Lulu replied. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought we could have lunch together," Matt smiled.

"Oh, okay," Lulu stuttered. "Let me just clear my desk."

Matt waited as Lulu put away her stacks of paperwork. He had to admit she looked busy and he was surprised she had agreed to have lunch with him. He placed the food on the desk and sat down across from her.

"I got you your favorite from Kelly's," Matt offered.

"That's nice," Lulu responded. "I wasn't expecting you."

"I wanted to surprise you," Matt said sweetly. "Although you don't seem pleasantly surprised."

"It's not that," Lulu said, shaking her head. "I was just really focused on work and I'm a little distracted."

"Well, I can go," Matt suggested.

"No," Lulu replied. "Just give me a minute to clear my head."

"Okay," Matt nodded.

"Lulu, do you want the pepperoni or the cheese?" Johnny asked coming into the office, but not looking up. "I'm going to be honest, I want the cheese, but if you really want it, I guess I'll give it to you."

"I have food," Lulu muttered and Johnny finally looked up from the phone in his hand.

"You have food and a man in your office," Johnny laughed. "I'm sorry for barging in."

"I'm Matt Hunter, Lulu's husband," Matt said with pride, offering his hand to Johnny.

"Johnny Zacchara," Johnny countered, shaking Matt's hand. "Lulu's fellow ADA."

"She told me about you," Matt responded.

"All bad things I'm sure," Johnny smirked. "I guess I'll get out of here so you two can get back to your private lunch. Lulu, the pepperoni will be in the fridge if you want it later."

"Okay," Lulu nodded and Johnny left the office as quickly as he came.

"Why didn't you tell me you had lunch plans?" Matt asked.

"I didn't know I did," Lulu answered. "He was probably trying to be nice."

"Why?" Matt prodded.

"I don't know," Lulu replied. "He obviously knows I don't like him, so maybe he feels bad for being rude to me before."

"He didn't seem to feel too bad," Matt said softly.

"Are you jealous or something?" Lulu questioned.

"No," Matt responded.

"Then let it go," Lulu laughed. "If there's one thing I figured out about Johnny in the last two weeks of working with him, it's that he doesn't do much that makes sense."

"Okay," Matt sighed. "Why don't we get back to our nice lunch?"

"Sounds good," Lulu agreed.

* * *

Alexis had called for Lulu to come into her office and Lulu grabbed her notepad before hustling in there. She was surprised to find Johnny in there as well, along with Mac and Harper. She took a seat and Alexis closed the door behind her and then took a seat behind her desk.

"Okay, Mac, what did you need us for?" Alexis questioned.

"We've got a high profile murder case," Mac answered. "Attorney Scott Baldwin was found stabbed to death at the bottom of the harbor. There was no evidence, but it's clear it was a mob hit of some kind. It's essential that we find out who was responsible and put them behind bars."

"There has to be some evidence," Alexis insisted.

"Nothing," Harper replied. "Baldwin wasn't found for a couple of days so anything that might have been on him or the docks was long gone."

"How was he found?" Johnny asked.

"An anonymous tip to sweep the river for trash," Mac sighed.

"Did you trace the call?" Johnny continued.

"We tried, but there was nothing," Harper responded.

"Do we have a motive for anyone?" Alexis wondered.

"Scott worked for both Alcazar and Corinthos," Mac answered. "But he hadn't worked for either of them for over a year."

"Openly," Johnny muttered.

Lulu looked down to her notepad and realized she hadn't written any of the conversation down. She glanced at Johnny, who was fuming for some reason, and had a full page of notes. She started scribbling things down as Alexis discussed things with Mac.

"What do you mean openly?" Harper asked Johnny quietly.

"I mean he didn't do any legal work for either of them," Johnny whispered. "Doesn't mean he wasn't working for one or both of them. In fact, he was probably working for one and feeding information to the other. Then he got discovered and got killed."

"If he was doing illegal things, how do we find evidence?" Harper questioned.

"You don't," Johnny replied. "No one will talk to cops. You have to have someone undercover."

"It's too late to put someone in," Harper noted.

"Look, if I get to work on this case, we'll talk more," Johnny offered. "Right now, I need to think."

Harper nodded and joined Alexis and Mac by the door. Johnny went back to writing things down in his notebook and Lulu stared at him. He finally looked at her and she gave him an expectant stare. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, indicating he wasn't giving her any answers. Alexis told Mac and Harper goodbye and turned to Johnny and Lulu.

"This is huge," Alexis smiled. "If we can put someone behind bars in this case, our office will look great in the eyes of the mayor. I want you both working on this. We're pushing back all other cases for at least two weeks or until we have something to go on. I have to go hold a press conference, but you two need to start working right away. Read everything the PCPD has to offer about the murder and find what they missed. Work in Lulu's office because it's closest to mine. I'll check on you in about an hour."

Alexis finished her sentence and was out the door while Lulu was still writing down her instructions. Johnny stood up and started walking out and Lulu followed him. He entered Lulu's office with her at his heels and put his stuff on her desk. He turned and closed the door behind Lulu and sighed.

"I know you don't want to work with me on this," Lulu said softly. "But you seem to have a good place to start, so if you want, I will be more like your assistant than your equal."

"It's not that," Johnny smiled sadly. "It's just I've been waiting for a mob case since I took the job and now that I have one, it's a murder. The biggest case of the year most likely. I would have preferred to start with something a little smaller to get my feet wet."

"Why do you want mob cases?" Lulu wondered.

"It's a passion of mine," Johnny answered. "I've seen the damage it does and I want to make a difference. Even though this guy probably deserved what he got, the next victim of the killer probably won't. I don't want there to be a next victim."

"Wow," Lulu breathed. "Is that how you know so much about it?"

"One of the reasons," Johnny muttered. "We should get started."

"Okay," Lulu nodded. "Do you need a minute?"

"Are you being nice to me?" Johnny smiled.

"No," Lulu smirked. "I was just thinking maybe you wanted to step outside and get us some coffee."

"Sure," Johnny laughed. "Cream or sugar?"

"Sugar," Lulu responded.

"You could use it," Johnny quipped and Lulu threw her pen at him as he walked out the door.


	4. Not All Bad

A/N – I hope everyone is having a very merry Christmas season! I especially hope everyone has gotten their shopping done, but if not, I wish you luck in the stores! Enough chatter, I am excited to read feedback on this chapter, so leave me tons! Happy reading!

**Chapter 3 – Not All Bad**

Lulu groaned as her alarm went off. It was five in the morning and she didn't want to be up at five in the morning. This murder case was driving her insane. She turned off the alarm and started to get out of bed, but Matt wrapped his arm around her and stopped her.

"Stay," he pleaded.

"I can't," Lulu replied, trying to get out of his grasp.

"Can't or won't?" Matt asked.

"I can't," Lulu repeated. "I have to get to work early."

"You go to work early and you come home late," Matt complained as she got out of bed. "Work is all you do."

"You know how important this case is," Lulu sighed. "Why do you have to be so selfish?"

"I'm selfish?" Matt scoffed. "Because I want to see my wife?"

"Because if you were the one working all the time I would understand," Lulu responded.

"I'm sorry I'm not understanding enough for you," Matt rolled his eyes.

"You're being ridiculous," Lulu said angrily. "I'm going to take a shower and maybe when I get out you can apologize for treating me like this."

Lulu headed for the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. This wasn't the first time she had fought with Matt about her work hours. When he had been interning and working double shifts, she hadn't complained once. She knew it was important to him so she accepted it and she wanted the same thing from him.

She got completely ready in the bathroom and then braced herself for the fight that was to come when she went back into the bedroom. She opened the door and found the room completely empty. She walked into the living room and found it empty as well. She shrugged and gathered her things and left the house.

* * *

Johnny tapped his pen on the desk in Lulu's office. He earned an annoyed look from her and he stopped and leaned back in the chair. It was after seven and they were still at it, trying to find something that would indicate Corinthos or Alcazar in the murder. He rolled his eyes when Lulu started tapping her pen on the desk.

"You can do that, but I can't?" Johnny asked.

"Oops," Lulu said, setting her pen on the desk. "I guess I'm just tired of looking at the same things and not seeing anything new."

"Well I love doing it," Johnny said sarcastically.

"You just get nicer as the night goes on," Lulu quipped.

"So now you want me to be nice to you?" Johnny wondered. "I thought we weren't going to be friends."

"I'm nice to people who aren't my friends all the time," Lulu noted.

"I'm not," Johnny smirked.

Johnny laughed as Lulu rolled her eyes before standing up and taking off her jacket. He couldn't stop his eyes from watching her as she pulled the pins from her hair and let it fall loosely at her shoulders. Even after a more than twelve hour day, she was flawless. He realized he was staring and shifted his eyes to the floor before she caught him. It wasn't the first time he had caught himself staring at Lulu and he didn't really know why. Sure she was beautiful, but there was something else he found intriguing.

"So let's talk about the case," Lulu suggested.

"We've talked about the case," Johnny groaned. "Isn't there something else we can talk about?"

"We can talk about why else you know so much about the mob," Lulu replied.

"I don't want to talk about that," Johnny shook his head. "We can talk about why you show up here every day pissed off at the world."

"Or we could talk about the case," Lulu offered.

"Have you ever heard the name Anthony Zacchara?" Johnny wondered.

"You're a linear thinker," Lulu laughed.

"I decided to tell you why I know about the mob, but this offer doesn't last long," Johnny said seriously.

"No, I haven't heard the name Anthony Zacchara," Lulu responded. "Is he a relative of yours?"

"My father," Johnny answered. "He used to run the underground part of the state of New York. He was the biggest mob boss there was for thirty years."

"Wow," Lulu whispered. "You really do know about the mob."

"It gets better," Johnny continued. "When I was eight my mom wanted to take me to a concert. My dad didn't approve and he refused to let us go because he wanted to take her to dinner. My mom said he couldn't stop us, but she was wrong. In a fit of jealous rage, he aimed a gun at me and pulled the trigger. But, he didn't hit me. My mom jumped in front of the bullet for me and died right in front of my face."

"Johnny, I'm so sorry," Lulu said softly, reaching over and covering his hand with her own.

"Don't be," Johnny smiled sadly. "It was a long time ago."

"What happened to your dad?" Lulu asked.

"He got away with killing my mother," Johnny said bitterly. "They passed it off as a burglary gone wrong. He tried to groom me for the business, but I wouldn't let him. When I was twelve he got arrested for tax evasion and I was sent to live with my cousins. I went to NYU and then moved to Buffalo to start my law career. When I heard about the mob in Port Charles, I immediately applied for the job."

"Were your cousins nice?" Lulu questioned.

"They were good to me," Johnny answered. "I just always felt like an intruder. They had their own family and I was clearly an outsider who didn't belong. But they always did everything they could for me and I'll always appreciate them."

Lulu smiled genuinely at him and he returned it. He looked down to her hand that was still covering his and turned his hand over so their palms grazed softly. She pulled her hand back and sat back in her chair. She looked down and Johnny instantly felt bad for making her uncomfortable.

"Matt and I fight," Lulu said quietly.

"What?" Johnny wondered.

"That's why I come to work pissed off at the world," Lulu clarified. "We fight almost every morning about me working so much. Some days are worse than others, but there are always words said and most of them are hurtful."

"Does he not want you to work?" Johnny asked.

"He just doesn't understand the hours it takes," Lulu explained. "Before I got this job I was always home at five o'clock and now I never am. It's only gotten worse since this murder case. I think he's lonely being at home by himself all the time and I feel bad, but what am I supposed to do?"

"There's nothing you can do," Johnny replied. "He'll just have to get used to your busy schedule. And it won't always be like this anyway. One day you'll be the DA and you'll have people under you working long hours while you're at home."

"Don't you want to be the DA?" Lulu questioned.

"No," Johnny answered. "I'll work here until I've done all I can for the town and then I'll move on. My goal is to clean up the entire state if I can. I don't want to be in one spot too long."

"What about getting married or having a family?" Lulu prodded. "How can you have that if you're always moving?"

"Not everyone wants that, Lulu," Johnny shrugged. "I guess if I met the right girl, sure, but I'm not going out of my way to find her."

"Why?" Lulu asked.

"Because the truth is most people would react the way Matt is," Johnny responded. "They wouldn't understand the long hours or the never being home. Why would I want to go through that?"

"If you love someone it's worth it," Lulu said simply.

"I've never been in love," Johnny remarked. "So I guess I wouldn't know."

"And you don't want to fall in love?" Lulu wondered.

"I don't have the best role models for love," Johnny replied. "My father loved my mother so much he killed her. I don't want to end up like that. I'd rather be alone."

"It's usually better than that," Lulu said sarcastically.

"Is it usually better than fighting all the time?" Johnny questioned.

Johnny said the words before he could think about the consequences. He looked at Lulu who was glaring at him and he immediately felt horrible for saying something so hurtful. Her anger turned to tears and she walked out of the office. Johnny got up and followed her and found her pacing the hallway in the dark.

"I'm sorry," Johnny offered. "I was way out of line."

"Yes, you were," Lulu agreed. "And you weren't. I mean I act like a bitch to you most days because I'm so angry at Matt. The truth is, I don't know if it's supposed to better than fighting all the time because that's basically been my marriage."

"But you loved each other a long time before you got married right?" Johnny asked and Lulu nodded. "Then love is better than fighting all the time."

"Did you know we just spent an hour not talking about the case?" Lulu wondered, looking at her watch.

"It was a good break," Johnny smiled.

"Johnny, I have to leave," Lulu responded. "If I don't go soon, I'm not sure he'll be there when I get home."

"What makes you think that?" Johnny questioned.

"Because this morning when I woke up we had a fight before I started getting ready," Lulu answered. "And when I finished getting ready he was gone."

"He'll be there, Lulu," Johnny said with confidence. "He would have to be stupid to walk away from you."

"You're just trying to get back on my good side," Lulu accused and Johnny laughed.

"I'm not above it," Johnny smiled and then got serious. "Go home."

"Alexis told us we had to have something for her tomorrow," Lulu sighed.

"I'll take care of it," Johnny promised. "Put yourself first."

"Okay," Lulu nodded. "You can use my office so you don't have to move the files. I'll be back in the morning."

Johnny followed Lulu back into her office and watched as she gathered her things. He still felt bad for saying the rude things he said. She looked at him and smiled before she left and his heart skipped a beat. He sank into the chair he had occupied for most of the night and buried his head in his hands. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew it wasn't good.

He thought back to the conversation he had with Lulu. He thought about her fights with Matt and then he began to parallel them to the case. Baldwin was seen in a public confrontation with Trevor Lansing in the Metro Court Hotel three days before his death. According to witnesses they were arguing about who should pay for a meal they shared. Lansing had apparently left the building and Baldwin had been forced to pay. Johnny wondered if Baldwin used money from an offshore account to pay for the meal. If he hadn't been expecting to pay, it was probably the only means he had with him.

Johnny made a call to the Metro Court and they willingly gave all of their records involving Baldwin's payments. Johnny checked Baldwin's credit card used the night of his dinner with Lansing against any other card payment record he had and found no matching numbers. Then, Johnny called the PCPD and had them trace the card Baldwin used that night to see what account it drew from and told them to find out who had deposited into the account in the last month. Johnny waited as patiently as he could for them to call back. Johnny knew if he could find the source who was funding Baldwin, he would know who he was working for.

Mac called him personally with the results because they were inconclusive as far as narrowing down a suspect. Just as Johnny assumed would be the case, Baldwin was being paid by both Alcazar and Corinthos. Johnny asked Mac for the total amounts deposited and smiled when he read them aloud. Corinthos was paying Baldwin exactly double what Alcazar paid him. Baldwin was feeding information from the Alcazar organization to the Corinthos organization and was discovered. Once Johnny disclosed his theory, Mac decided to have a warrant issued for Alcazar and told Johnny to start building his case.

Johnny hung up the phone and breathed a sigh of relief. They finally had something to go on. He was proud of himself for putting the pieces together, but he found himself wishing Lulu was there to celebrate with him. She had worked just as hard on the case as he had and he wanted to share the moment with her. He closed his eyes and tried not to think of the fact that she wasn't there because she was at home in the arms of another man.


	5. In a Different Light

A/N – I'm really excited about this chapter and to read what everyone thinks about it! I love reading all of your thoughts and opinions on what's happened and what you want to see! So read and hopefully enjoy and be sure to leave me a comment about what you thought!

**Chapter 4 – In a Different Light**

Lulu woke up to her phone chiming, indicating she had a text message. She fumbled for her phone and finally found it. She realized she had fallen asleep on the couch the night before because she didn't want to confront Matt. She flipped open her phone and read the message from Johnny.

_Hurry! News to tell you before Alexis comes in._

She looked at the time on her phone and realized it was already after seven. She groaned and hurried to change and pin her hair up in the bun she usually wore. She found that Matt was already gone for the morning and she rolled her eyes as she realized he had left her sleeping when he knew she would have wanted to be woken up.

Twenty minutes later, she stalked into her office and found Johnny sitting behind her desk. He smirked at her and she glared at him, playfully. She knew he was in a good mood which meant he must have discovered something last night after she left.

"So?" Lulu asked.

"I found evidence," Johnny smiled.

"What?" Lulu questioned happily. "How?"

"It was you actually," Johnny answered. "I was thinking about you fighting with Matt and how I wished that I could help and I started thinking about Baldwin's fight with Lansing. I knew there was something there, but I could never think of it until last night."

"What was it?" Lulu wondered.

"We tracked Baldwin's financial records and figured out he was working for both Alcazar and Corinthos," Johnny explained.

"Just like you thought," Lulu noted.

"Right," Johnny replied. "But Corinthos was paying him more which means Alcazar was the one he was betraying."

"So Alcazar was the one who killed him," Lulu concluded and Johnny nodded. "So are we moving forward?"

"As soon as we talk to Alexis," Johnny nodded. "Mac already brought Alcazar into custody early this morning."

"Congratulations," Lulu grinned.

"Thanks," Johnny responded, standing and walking closer to her. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"I don't think that's true," Lulu frowned. "You would have seen it eventually."

"It was a team effort," Johnny argued. "We did it together."

"You did what together?" Matt asked from the doorway.

"We finally have a prime suspect in the murder case," Johnny answered. "All the late hours paid off."

"Took long enough," Matt muttered and Johnny glared at him. "Could you leave Lulu and I so we can have some time alone?"

"Matt, we're about to meet with Alexis," Lulu replied. "Can it wait?"

"It's okay," Johnny offered. "I'll talk to Alexis and you can join us whenever you're done here."

"I'm glad someone is willing to make an effort for our relationship," Matt said snidely.

Lulu watched Johnny's fists clench at his side as if he wanted to hit Matt for the things he was saying. She gave him a nod, telling him it was okay, and he left silently. She turned back to Matt and looked at him expectantly.

"What was so important?" Lulu demanded.

"I thought maybe you cared that we hadn't spoken since yesterday morning," Matt shook his head. "But obviously not. You're apparently okay with sleeping on the couch."

"I was tired and I didn't feel like fighting last night," Lulu shrugged. "I decided not to bother you. Although I would love to hear your excuse for leaving this morning without waking me up. If you wanted to talk so badly, that would have been the perfect time."

"I was curious to see if you actually had to be here early like you said," Matt yelled. "But it didn't seem like you did."

"Because we had finally made progress in the case," Lulu fought back. "If we hadn't, I would have needed to be here. I'm glad you think my job is such a joke that you would do something like that."

"I don't think your job is a joke," Matt argued. "But I don't think it's as serious as you make it out to be. You put your job before everything else and I'm tired of it."

"Really?" Lulu wondered. "You never did that?"

"No," Matt answered.

"Liar," Lulu responded. "When you were doing your internship you barely spoke to me. I never once complained because I knew it was necessary. Working hard right now is necessary for my career."

"We weren't married then," Matt said harshly. "We are now."

"So?" Lulu asked. "Do you want me to give up law?"

"I would never ask you to do that," Matt replied.

"You basically already did," Lulu said, rolling her eyes.

"I have to get to work," Matt said, shaking his head. "Maybe I'll see you later."

Matt turned and left the office and Lulu immediately sank to the floor in sobs. She was tired of fighting with him. She wanted things to go back to being simple, but she doubted they ever would. She heard a knock at the door and then saw Johnny poke his head in. She tried to wipe her eyes, but before she could Johnny was at her side with his arms around her. She considered pushing him away, but she needed his strength, so she sunk into his embrace and cried harder.

"It's okay," Johnny soothed.

"It isn't," Lulu cried. "I don't think it ever will be."

"Yeah it will," Johnny promised. "I'm going to hold you until it is."

Lulu smiled at his words and looked up at him. He wiped away the tears from her cheeks and started taking the pins out of her hair. When he had them all out, he smiled and ran his fingertips through her hair.

"You're even more beautiful when you let your hair down," Johnny whispered.

"I must look awful right now," Lulu insisted, but Johnny shook his head.

"Never," he replied.

"Did you meet with Alexis?" Lulu wondered.

"I took care of it," Johnny smiled.

"Thanks," Lulu said softly. "I wish I had been in there instead."

"If I had known he was going to make you cry, I would have never left you alone with him," Johnny responded.

"This is the first time I've cried about it," Lulu admitted. "I think today was all I could take."

"Is Matt worth this, Lulu?" Johnny questioned.

"What?" Lulu asked in confusion.

"You told me when you love someone, it's worth going through the bad stuff," Johnny answered. "Is Matt really worth going through this?"

Lulu didn't answer. She didn't know the answer. She looked at Johnny who was staring at her intently. She realized he had never let her go and she was practically in his lap on the floor with his arms wrapped tightly around her. Her breathing grew shallow as Johnny inched closer to her, getting his answer in her silence. Her eyes closed as Johnny's lips met hers in a slow burning kiss. Her hands came to his face and she deepened it. Their tongues met passionately and she lost herself for a minute in the kiss.

All at once, she realized what was happening and she pulled away and stood up. Her breathing was still irregular from kissing Johnny and she knew her face was flushed from the heat that was between them. He stood and looked at her, but she shook her head and left the room. She walked out of the office and into the fresh air, desperately trying to make sense of what had happened. She had never expected Johnny to kiss her, but her own reaction was what worried her. She had kissed him back. With everything inside of her, she had kissed him back. She was married, but she had kissed him back.

* * *

Johnny was sitting in his own office trying to figure out what had just happened. He had dreamed of kissing Lulu, but he hadn't planned on ever making the dream a reality. He didn't know what had made him kiss her, but he didn't regret it either. How could he? The feeling he got when their lips met was greater than anything he had ever experienced. He never wanted to stop kissing her and he probably wouldn't have. But she did. She pulled out of the kiss and then ran away. Johnny wasn't sure what she was thinking or feeling, but he needed to find out.

He gathered all of the courage he had and went into her office. She was crying again behind her desk and his heart broke, because he knew this time, he was responsible for the tears. She looked up at him meekly and he closed the door behind him. He really didn't know what to say. He didn't want to apologize, but he knew he should. He should do the honorable thing and say it was a moment of weakness. He should lie and say it meant nothing. He knew if he was honest and told her she was all he wanted, things would be awkward between them. Because even though she was all he wanted, he could never have her.

"I'm sorry," Johnny whispered.

"Me too," Lulu muttered.

"I shouldn't have taken advantage of you," Johnny offered. "I shouldn't have kissed you."

"Why did you?" Lulu wondered.

Johnny suddenly couldn't breathe. He didn't want to lie. Why did he never get what he wanted?

"I was just comforting you," Johnny answered. "I took it too far."

"So did I," Lulu said softly.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Johnny replied.

"I'm married," Lulu yelled. "And I kissed you back. That's wrong."

"You were vulnerable," Johnny reasoned. "You were upset and not thinking clearly."

"Stop making excuses for me," Lulu cried.

"I'm not," Johnny responded. "I'm a lawyer, I don't make excuses. I use logic."

"What am I supposed to tell Matt?" Lulu asked.

"Nothing," Johnny answered. "It meant nothing, so there's nothing to tell."

"Did it really mean nothing?" Lulu questioned.

"It really meant nothing," Johnny lied.

"I don't want things to be awkward between us," Lulu said quietly.

"They don't have to be," Johnny smiled. "We should just forget it ever happened."

"Right," Lulu nodded. "It's forgotten."

Johnny nodded as well and turned and left her office, knowing he would never be able to forget. Knowing he would never be able to look at her without wanting to kiss her senseless the way he had done earlier. But he also knew that he never wanted to hurt her and only pain would come from something happening between them. She was married to someone else and he had to respect that.


	6. Let's Celebrate

A/N – It's the first update of 2010! I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday season and I hope that this year gives you everything you want! I think we all deserve it! Okay, on to more of this story! I really appreciate all the comments everyone has left so far! I read them all and normally more than once because your feedback is really important to me! On to the next chapter! Enjoy and leave a review!

**Chapter 5 – Let's Celebrate**

Guilty.

After a long three week trial, the jury had found Alcazar guilty of murder and had sentenced him to life in prison. Lulu breathed a sigh of relief and Johnny smiled happily beside her. They both looked at Alexis who was calmly looking at Alcazar and his attorney. The courtroom was full of people and everyone was very pleased with the verdict. The judge left for his chambers and Alcazar was escorted by an officer to lockup. Finally, Alexis turned to Johnny and Lulu and smiled widely.

"We did it," Alexis said in joy. "We put a major mob boss behind bars."

"You were brilliant," Lulu offered.

"I couldn't have done it without the two of you," Alexis replied. "Your research was crucial in winning this case."

"I enjoyed working on it," Johnny responded. "Thanks for the opportunity.

"Yes, thank you," Lulu agreed.

"No need to thank me," Alexis smiled. "We're all a team. Now that you two seem to be getting along really well I'm sure we'll have many more successful cases like this one."

"I sure hope so," Johnny said softly.

Lulu looked at him and saw a hint of pain and she knew he was thinking about his mom. While winning one case was great, it was only the start for him. Alexis excused herself and Johnny and Lulu were left alone in the courtroom. Johnny sat down in his chair and began putting the remaining files in his briefcase.

"Are you okay?" Lulu wondered.

"Of course," Johnny answered. "Today was a great victory."

"But you want to do more, right?," Lulu asked.

"Definitely," Johnny nodded. "But I want to enjoy this one first."

"What do you mean?" Lulu questioned.

"I mean celebrating," Johnny explained. "When I was in Buffalo, we always had a party after winning a murder trial. I'm carrying on that tradition."

"That sounds like fun," Lulu replied. "I wish I could go."

"And why can't you?" Johnny wondered.

"Matt," Lulu said simply. "Now that this case is finally over, I'm going to go home and spend some time with my husband."

"Okay," Johnny whispered.

Lulu saw Johnny's face fall when she told him she wasn't going to celebrate with him. He seemed disappointed, but she didn't tell him she was too. One of the reasons she wasn't staying to celebrate was because the temptation of kissing Johnny again was too great. They might have agreed their kiss meant nothing, but Lulu knew better. She also knew the mixture of the two of them and alcohol was something she couldn't risk.

"I guess I better get going," Lulu said quietly. "And you better get to the party."

"Right," Johnny smiled. "I hope things go well with Matt."

"Me too," Lulu agreed. "Bye."

"Bye," Johnny replied.

* * *

Lulu walked into her house on cloud nine. The realization of winning the case had finally washed over her and all she wanted to do was celebrate the achievement. She looked around for Matt and found him in the kitchen, looking through the refrigerator. She tapped his shoulder and he hit his head on a shelf before turning to look at her.

"What the hell, Lulu?" Matt yelled.

"I'm sorry," Lulu apologized. "I'll get you some ice."

"Don't bother," Matt sighed. "What are you doing home? It's only three in the afternoon."

"The jury reached a verdict," Lulu said happily. "We got the conviction."

"Congratulations," Matt offered.

"It was such an amazing feeling," Lulu continued. "I mean I've gotten convictions before, but not in a murder trial. Much less a murder trial for a famous mobster. I was proud to be a lawyer today."

"That's great," Matt said and Lulu knew he was ignoring her.

"Okay, I can tell you don't care," Lulu said, rolling her eyes. "But maybe you care enough to celebrate with me?"

"When?" Matt asked.

"As soon as I change," Lulu answered.

"I have plans today," Matt replied. "Maybe we can do it this weekend."

"Why would I wait until this weekend to celebrate?" Lulu wondered.

"If you want to celebrate with me, that's when we can do it," Matt shrugged.

"What plans do you have?" Lulu questioned.

"Patrick and I are going to the Yankees game," Matt responded.

"When did you decide to do that?" Lulu pressed.

"A couple of weeks ago," Matt answered. "I would have told you, but I haven't really seen you since the trial started."

"I'm sure Patrick can find someone else to go with him," Lulu replied. "Wouldn't you rather spend the night with me having a good time?"

"Do you even know how to have a good time?" Matt asked sarcastically.

"Wow," Lulu breathed. "Do you look for ways to hurt me or is it an unknown talent you have?"

"I'm not trying to hurt you," Matt rolled his eyes. "But honestly, I would rather go to the game than do whatever it is you do to celebrate a trial victory."

"Okay," Lulu said softly. "Then go."

Lulu went into the bedroom and changed into something more comfortable. She took her hair down and looked at herself in the mirror. She knew she shouldn't go back to the office and celebrate with Johnny, but she didn't care. She left the room and headed for the door, but Matt stopped her before she could leave.

"Where do you think you're going?" Matt demanded.

"Out," Lulu snapped.

"Where is out?" Matt prodded.

"I guess you would know if I wasn't so boring," Lulu shrugged. "Have fun at your game."

"I'll be home at eleven at the latest," Matt remarked. "I'll see you then."

"Maybe," Lulu smirked.

"Are you trying to make me feel guilty?" Matt wondered.

"I'm just trying to have a good time," Lulu answered. "I asked you to come, but you didn't want to. You don't get to be upset because I won't promise to be home when you want me to."

"Don't worry," Matt scoffed. "I'm not upset. I don't care what you do."

Lulu rolled her eyes and left the house. She got in her car and drove until she got out of sight of the house and then pulled over. She let herself cry again, something she did almost every day after leaving home because of Matt. She cried because she didn't want to be married anymore. She wished she could go back to her wedding day and stop herself. Or back to the day Matt proposed and say no. She cared about Matt, but caring about him wasn't enough to make her marriage work.

* * *

Johnny walked around the empty office, sipping his beer. He didn't want to celebrate alone, but he had all the beer so he decided to make use of it. When Lulu had said she was going home to be with Matt he had tried to hide his disappointment. He had no right to be upset that she was spending time with her husband. A real friend would have been happy for her, but he wasn't. He was selfish and he wanted her to celebrate with him.

"I thought this was a party," she said, walking into the room.

Johnny looked up and saw Lulu smiling at him from the doorway. Her hair was down the way he loved it most and she was wearing jeans that hugged her curves. All her makeup was gone and she looked so carefree. He had never seen her so relaxed, but he liked the look on her.

"Everyone left," Johnny replied. "Alexis closed the office until Monday, so they all went home."

"Why did you stay?" Lulu wondered.

"I would have been alone either way," Johnny answered. "The beer was already here so I decided to drink it here instead of taking it all home."

"Were you planning on drinking all of this by yourself?" Lulu asked, motioning to the two six-packs on the desk.

"Why not?" Johnny countered. "I have a three day weekend coming up."

"I guess that's true," Lulu smiled. "Do you mind sharing with me?"

"Not at all," Johnny responded. "But I thought you were celebrating with Matt."

"He had other plans," Lulu shrugged. "So I decided to come hang out with all of my coworkers, but it looks like it's just you and me."

"I'm sure we'll have fun," Johnny smirked.

"What did you have planned?" Lulu wondered.

"I didn't really make plans," Johnny admitted. "I just know if you drink enough, anything is fun."

"That's true," Lulu laughed.

Johnny smiled at the beautiful sound of her laughter. He knew being alone with her was a bad idea, especially when drinking was involved. It was hard enough for him to resist her when he was completely sober in a room full of people. He didn't know how he would stop himself from kissing her, but he really didn't want to stop himself.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Lulu asked, drinking her beer.

"I'm just glad you're here," Johnny answered honestly. "It didn't feel right celebrating without you."

"I know what you mean," Lulu nodded. "I knew that going home was the right thing to do, but I wasn't very upset when Matt didn't want to do anything with me."

"I thought you said he had plans," Johnny noted.

"He did," Lulu replied. "But he could have changed them if he wanted to."

"I'm sorry," Johnny offered.

"Don't be," Lulu said softly. "It's my problem, not yours."

"Let's stop talking about Matt," Johnny suggested. "It's kind of a buzz kill."

"That's the best idea I've heard all day," Lulu agreed.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Johnny wondered.

"I think we should do less talking and more drinking," Lulu smirked.

"As you wish," Johnny smiled.

* * *

Lulu watched Johnny as he adjusted the volume of the radio he had found. They had almost finished the beer and had both loosened up quite a bit. Johnny had ditched his tie and a few top buttons were undone, exposing some of his chest hair. Lulu's mind began to wander and she pictured the rest of his chest and his abs.

"This music is awful," Johnny laughed.

"Turn the damn stuff off," Lulu yelled, but then collapsed in laughter.

"You're so demanding," Johnny complained, but did as he was told.

"You like it when I tell you what to do," Lulu smirked.

"I don't hate it," Johnny replied.

"How do you feel, Johnny?" Lulu wondered.

"I feel...a little drunk," Johnny admitted.

"I meant about me," Lulu said, taking another drink. "What do you feel when you look at me?"

"Why are you asking me that?" Johnny asked.

"Because I figured you would give me the drunken truth," Lulu answered. "And I've been wondering ever since you kissed me."

"I feel...like we shouldn't be having this conversation," Johnny breathed.

"Why not?" Lulu questioned, falling into the chair beside the desk.

"Because," Johnny sighed, sitting on the desk in front of her. "I can't be held responsible for the things I want to do to you."

"What kind of things?" Lulu smiled, standing up and coming close to him.

"Lulu," Johnny whispered, but she put her finger to his lips.

"Show me," Lulu requested.

He couldn't resist.

Johnny pulled Lulu to him and kissed her with no abandon. She responded and wrapped her arms around his back. His hands ran down her back and up under her shirt. She gasped as his fingertips made contact with her skin and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Lulu's hands found their way to his shirt and she unbuttoned a few buttons so she could run her fingers over his chest. Johnny turned them around and lifted Lulu onto the desk. His lips sought her neck and he began trailing kisses along the column of her throat, biting softly at times. Lulu's fingers began working the rest of the buttons on his shirt. She pushed it off his shoulders and then took his face in her hands, kissing him passionately. Johnny shoved the empty beer bottles off the desk, while Lulu kissed his neck. Lulu laid back onto the desk and pulled Johnny on top of her, kissing him deeply.

Without warning, Johnny broke the kiss and rolled off of Lulu. He began putting his shirt back on and Lulu sat up, straightening her clothes as well. She watched Johnny clean up the mess they had made in the office and start to leave.

"Wait," Lulu pleaded.

"I can't be here right now," Johnny replied.

"Why did you stop?" Lulu wondered.

"Why didn't you?" Johnny countered.

"I didn't want to," Lulu answered.

"Neither did I," Johnny smiled sadly. "But I knew we had to."

"I'm sorry for throwing myself at you," Lulu offered. "I should have known better than to drink so much when I was already so angry at Matt."

"I should have known better, too," Johnny shrugged. "I guess we're both stupid."

"I guess we are," Lulu agreed.

"We can't work together anymore," Johnny sighed. "Not unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Why?" Lulu asked.

"Because you need to fix your marriage and I'm not helping you do that," Johnny replied.

"What if I don't want to fix it?" Lulu wondered and Johnny sighed.

"Then I won't be the reason why it didn't work out," Johnny responded, walking out of the office.


	7. Space Doesn't Change Things

A/N – Alright, as promised, here is the update! I really enjoy reading every comment and seeing the interest people have in this story! It means so much to me that you are all reading this story and wanting more! I hope this chapter continues to please! Let me know how you feel about it!

**Chapter Six – Space Doesn't Change Things**

Lulu was sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. She was trying to focus on the words, but all she could think about was Johnny. His lips, his fingers, his chest. It had been over a week since they had almost made love and she hadn't been able to focus on anything since. Matt had been working nights and she had to fight herself every night to stay at home alone in her bed when all she wanted was to be with Johnny.

"Hey, beautiful," Matt said happily, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey," Lulu said softly, confused by his sudden affectionate nature.

"I've missed you this week," Matt remarked.

"It was weird sleeping alone," Lulu replied, although she hadn't missed Matt at all.

"I hate to do this," Matt started and Lulu realized why he had been so nice before. "But I have to go to a conference next week. It's from Monday to Saturday. I know we haven't gotten to spend much time together, but after the conference we will. I don't want to fight anymore."

"Okay," Lulu nodded.

"Okay, you don't care if I go to the conference or okay, you want to spend more time together?" Matt wondered. "Or okay, you don't want to fight anymore?"

"All of those," Lulu answered. "I know that going to conferences and things like that is necessary, so I won't question it. I think spending time together would probably help the fighting thing anyway."

"That's why I love you," Matt smiled. "You have a great mind."

"Is that the only reason?" Lulu asked.

"No," Matt responded. "But it's definitely one of them."

"Do you have to work tonight?" Lulu questioned.

"Yeah," Matt sighed. "I had better get ready."

"Alright," Lulu said as Matt left the room.

She didn't know how she felt. A part of her wanted her marriage to work, but a bigger part of her knew nothing would make it work. There was just something missing that she didn't think would ever be there. She went back to her magazine, but once again, Johnny's face came into her head. She hadn't spoken to him about anything other than business in over a week because he wouldn't have it any other way. She wondered if he ever thought about her. If he dreamed about kissing her the way she dreamed of kissing him. Lulu knew dreaming of a man who was not her husband was wrong, but she couldn't stop and she didn't really want to. Johnny wouldn't let anything happen for real, so her dreams had to be enough.

* * *

Johnny looked at his work again. He felt like he hadn't gotten anything done since the night he had almost made love to Lulu. She was all he thought about, even though he knew he should just forget her. She was married. She belonged to someone else. Why couldn't he get that through his head? Why did he still want her so badly?

He had made sure they had as little contact as possible in the last week, but it didn't help. Every time he saw her he wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go. And he wondered if she wanted the same thing. All of their kisses had been more intense than anything he had felt in his entire life and he knew they meant something to Lulu, too.

He kept thinking of his conversation with Lulu about love. She had said that when you loved someone you got through the bad things. He knew he loved Lulu and he knew he always would. But the things against them being together were really bad. What could be worse than her being married to someone else? Could love be enough to get them through that? Did she even love him back? So many questions that had no answers.

He needed answers.

He went into Lulu's office and found it empty. She should have been at work already. He walked over to her desk and found that all of the papers that were usually stacked there were gone. He went back into his office and pulled out his phone. He thought about calling her, but it really wasn't his business to know where she was. It might not have been his business, but he still wanted to know, so he decided to text her.

* * *

Lulu was working from home while Matt was gone to the conference. She didn't want to see Johnny while her husband was out of town. It was just too much temptation. She had told Alexis she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to spread her bug around the office. Since Lulu didn't have any trials this week, Alexis had no problem with her staying home. She heard her phone chime and she picked it up.

_You coming in to work?_

Lulu smiled thinking maybe Johnny missed her. Then she reminded herself that he was the one who told her nothing would happen between them, so that was unlikely. He probably had a case he wanted to discuss or something else work related. She answered him quickly and then went back to work.

* * *

Johnny was practically burning a hole through his phone from staring at it so intently. It hadn't been that long since he sent the message to Lulu, but he was dying of curiosity. He wanted to know where she was and make sure she was okay. After what felt like an eternity, his phone buzzed.

_No_

Two letters. That was all he got from her. No explanation or any hint of emotion at all. He wondered if she was angry with him or if she just didn't want to see him. Maybe she was spending the day in bed with her husband. The thought made him sick to his stomach. The recurring image of Lulu's wedding came into his head again. He remembered the day so clearly and had spent many nights dreaming of it. The only difference being there was no Matt Hunter because Johnny was the groom.

Johnny reread the short message and a pain went through his heart. What was she doing? He decided he needed an explanation for why Lulu was gone.

* * *

Lulu was regretting giving Johnny such a simple answer. She didn't want him to think she was angry, but she also didn't want to give any details. She didn't want to lie like she had done to Alexis, but she didn't want to tell the truth either. Her phone chimed and she sighed. He was relentless.

_Is everything okay?_

Her eyes filled with tears. He was checking on her because he cared which made her happy and sad at the same time. Happy because he wasn't pretending not to care about her like he had the last week. Sad because she wanted him not to care. If he didn't care, it would be much easier to not care about him. She wiped her eyes and sent him a response.

* * *

Johnny didn't know if he had chosen the right words to say to Lulu. He didn't want to pry too much, but he had to get more than one word out of her. He had to know why she was staying away. The thought crossed his mind that she might lie, but somehow he didn't think she would. His phone buzzed and he hurried to open it.

_Fine. Needed space from temptation._

She didn't lie. Johnny knew he should let it go at that, but he didn't want to. He was tired of putting distance between them because it wasn't changing anything. His feelings had only gotten deeper and he knew the only thing to do was be honest. He sent her another message and then closed his eyes in preparation for her response.

* * *

Lulu knew being honest with Johnny probably wasn't the best idea, but she wasn't able to lie. She figured if she told the truth he would let it go, but that apparently wasn't the case. Her phone chimed again and she groaned. She nervously opened her phone to read the message.

_Need to talk about us. You home alone?_

Us? There was an us? She considered ignoring him completely, but she just couldn't do it. She typed a reply and then sighed. What was she thinking?

* * *

Johnny couldn't believe he had asked her if she was home alone. The last thing he should be doing was going over to her home, the one she shared with Matt, if she was there alone. But he wasn't thinking about what he should have been doing, only what he wanted to do. The buzz of his phone brought him out of his thoughts.

_Yes. Come over._

It wasn't an invitation, it was a demand. She wanted to see him and she didn't want anyone else around. He knew he shouldn't go, but he didn't care. He gathered his stuff and left the office.

* * *

Johnny pulled up to Lulu's house and took a deep breath. He didn't know exactly how to say it, but he knew what he was going to say. He went to the door and Lulu opened it before he could knock. She motioned for him to come in and he did. He walked into her living room and took in the house. It didn't seem lived in the way a home usually did. Her work was spread out on the coffee table, but nothing else was an inch out of place.

"Do you want something to drink?" Lulu wondered.

"No," Johnny shook his head. "Thanks for offering."

"We can sit on the couch," Lulu suggested and Johnny nodded.

Johnny sat down and Lulu sat beside him. She was close enough to reach out and touch, but he restrained himself. He needed to keep a little distance between them so he could keep a clear head.

"Are you going to say something?" Lulu asked.

"Yes," Johnny whispered. "I'm just trying to make sure I say it correctly."

"Okay," Lulu sighed.

"I miss you," Johnny started. "I miss having lunch with you and listening to ridiculous stories about your childhood and your family. I miss telling you about my crazy father and feeling the comfort I always felt from you listening."

"You're the one who said we needed to stay away from each other," Lulu pointed out.

"I know," Johnny replied. "And we probably should, but I don't really want to."

"What do you want?" Lulu wondered.

"I can't have what I want," Johnny answered.

"If you really thought that you wouldn't be here," Lulu breathed.

Johnny smiled, knowing she was right. He reached over and curled a piece of hair around her ear. She looked back at him intently and he leaned close to her, kissing her lightly. He pulled back but she brought her hands to his face and kissed him again. She pulled back this time and leaned her forehead against his. He moved away and kissed her forehead softly before breaking all contact with her. It was now or never.

"Ask me what I want again," Johnny instructed.

"What do you want?" Lulu asked.

"You," Johnny replied. "I want you, Lulu. More than anything I've ever wanted, I want you. I want you for so many reasons, but there's only one that counts."

"What's that?" Lulu wondered.

"I'm in love with you," Johnny said slowly. "And that's never going to change."


	8. Putting Yourself First

A/N – I really hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. I've gotten several questions about when the update would be out, so now that it comes, I hope it is everything people wanted! I love getting all the comments and seeing reactions on the things that happen so keep it up! Happy reading and don't forget to leave a review!

**Chapter 7 – Putting Yourself First**

Lulu's heart was beating so fast she thought it would come right out of her chest.

_**He loved her.**_

She looked to Johnny and saw that he was waiting for her reaction. He was smiling and seemed to want to take her in his arms. And she wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him with no abandon. But she was married. The rings on her left hand had never felt so heavy. She couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear or what she wanted to say.

"You should leave," Lulu muttered, standing up and walking towards the door.

"You just want me to leave?" Johnny asked, not moving from the couch.

"You need to leave," Lulu said, fighting her tears.

"Should, need," Johnny laughed. "What do you want, Lulu? You asked me what I wanted and I told you."

"I'm married, Johnny," Lulu cried.

"I know I went to the wedding," Johnny replied. "And trust me when I tell you, I didn't plan to fall in love with you. But I did. And I'm facing those feelings now. So tell me how you feel."

"I don't feel anything," Lulu lied. "I'm sorry that you took a few moments of weakness to heart, but I didn't."

"Then why did you tell me to come here?" Johnny pressed.

"You said we needed to talk," Lulu reasoned.

"We could have talked anywhere," Johnny countered. "Why did you want to be alone with me?"

"You're the one that asked if I was alone," Lulu fought.

"I don't need a repeat of the conversation," Johnny said, rolling his eyes. "I need you to be honest with me."

"I was," Lulu yelled, the tears falling down her face.

"Then why are you crying?" Johnny asked softly, standing up and walking towards her. "Why won't you look at me?"

"I'm crying because I didn't want to hurt you," Lulu said, allowing herself a little bit of honesty.

"Then don't," Johnny smiled, brushing away her tears.

"I'm sorry," Lulu sniffed, pulling away. "I have to. Too much has already happened between us. It has to end."

"Is that what you want?" Johnny wondered.

"It's what has to happen," Lulu said sadly.

"Do you want me to leave the office?" Johnny questioned.

"Of course not," Lulu said, shaking her head. "The city of Port Charles needs you and I'm not going to ruin that."

"I don't know how I could stay," Johnny muttered, looking away.

"Then I should be the one to go," Lulu reasoned. "I'm at fault here."

"No, don't say that," Johnny replied. "I should have never tried to be your friend. I should have kept myself from falling for you."

"I'm not innocent," Lulu argued. "I made just as many, if not more, mistakes as you did."

"You know what's funny?" Johnny asked, chuckling softly.

"What?" Lulu wondered, meeting his eyes.

"I'll never call it a mistake," Johnny smiled, bringing his hand to her cheek again.

"Don't," Lulu begged, moving his hand away. "Just go."

Johnny just nodded and walked out the door. Lulu sunk to the floor and let her emotions take her over as she heard Johnny's car pull away from her house. How could she have let things go this far? Johnny deserved much better than this. Better than her. But she didn't want him to have anyone else. Selfishly, she wanted him to love her and only her. She picked herself up off the floor and tried to convince herself that she had done the right thing.

* * *

Lulu had spent the rest of the time Matt was away buried in her work. She refused to let herself think about what might have happened had she not pushed Johnny away. She made her choice and it was the right one. No matter how she felt, she was married to Matt and she needed to make her marriage work.

So when Matt called saying he would be home by six, she decided to go all out. She cooked him the meatloaf he loved. Truthfully, it was the only thing she could cook, but it was the thought that counted most, or so she heard. She put on her short blue dress and a necklace Matt had given her on the night of their engagement party. She set the table and lit candles as she heard Matt's car pull up in the driveway. The door opened and she smiled to herself.

Things were going to be different now.

Lulu went to meet Matt at the door and was met with a cold shoulder. He didn't even acknowledge her as he stalked past her into their bedroom. Lulu swallowed hard and tried to keep her composure. She followed him and found him changing clothes. He was putting on his "going out" shirt, as he called it, and she finally spoke.

"I have dinner ready for us here," Lulu smiled.

"Sorry, I can't," Matt said, not even looking up. "I have plans with Patrick."

"You just got home," Lulu pointed out. "How can you have plans?"

"Patrick called me on my way home and asked me to go to Jake's," Matt answered, putting his shoes back on. "I need to unwind, so I agreed."

"And you didn't think to call me?" Lulu asked.

"I figured you were working," Matt shrugged, finally looking at her. "Why are you all dressed up?"

"I told you I made dinner," Lulu answered.

"Well, put it in the fridge and I'll warm it up when I get back," Matt smiled, walking past her.

"You're seriously going to go to Jake's?" Lulu questioned in disbelief, following him into the front hall.

"Patrick's expecting me," Matt replied.

"What about me?" Lulu yelled.

"Lulu, it's not like I'm not coming home," Matt said, rolling his eyes. "I'm sorry alright? I'm sorry that the one time you actually made an effort for us, I'm busy. Maybe now you know how I feel."

"Don't try to put this on me," Lulu said angrily. "You're the one who said when you came home we would work on things. I told you that's what I wanted, too."

"Yeah, well, maybe I lied," Matt snapped.

"Fine," Lulu screamed. "Go have fun with your brother. I would hate to be an obligation."

"Don't worry, you aren't," Matt said softly.

Lulu just turned and walked into the kitchen. She jumped slightly when the door slammed, but she didn't cry. She didn't have any tears for Matt. He could do whatever he wanted and it wouldn't make any difference to her anymore. She blew out the candles and started to wrap up her meatloaf, so she could put in the fridge. She thought of Matt's words and she stopped putting the foil over the pan and instead flung it against the wall.

* * *

Johnny finished his dinner dishes and set them on the counter to dry. The rest of the week since he had spoken to Lulu had gone by in a blur. He had worked mindlessly, trying to remember how he did things before he met her. He had lived alone for so long and it seemed to him he should be able to go back. But he didn't know how. He just couldn't make his heart numb again. He felt every ounce of pain from Lulu pushing him away and choosing her marriage over him.

He wandered back into the living room and sat down on his couch to try to get some work done. He looked over the cases, but he just couldn't make himself focus. At least not on the work. His mind was focused on Lulu's face. The first day they met, the first honest conversation they had, their first kiss. And then there was the last time he saw her. He wondered if he would feel better now if he had believed that she wanted him to leave. But he didn't. She appeared to be in as much pain as he was and that killed him. He didn't want her in any pain. Ever. She was too beautiful and perfect to ever be in pain.

He was stirred from his thoughts by someone knocking on his door. He ignored it at first, knowing he had no friends and it was probably just another too friendly neighbor coming to bring him cookies. He didn't like being the pity case of the building and he didn't feel like putting on a fake smile right now. However, the knocking was persistent, so he stood up and went to the door. His heart did a flip as he saw Lulu standing in his door way. All of her makeup was gone and her hair was in perfect curls on her shoulders. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and get lost in her for hours, but he couldn't. She had said they couldn't be. So why was she at his apartment?

"What are you doing here?" Johnny asked, finally getting his voice.

"I lied," Lulu whispered.

"What?" Johnny wondered.

"I lied," Lulu repeated, speaking louder. "I lied to you."

"About what?" Johnny questioned, hoping in spite of himself.

"Everything," Lulu breathed.

"What do you want, Lulu?" Johnny asked, knowing the question he needed her to answer. The same question that he had answered for her.

"I can't have what I want," Lulu answered and Johnny smiled.

"If you really thought that you wouldn't be here," Johnny said, causing Lulu to give a small smile as well.

"You're right," Lulu admitted.

"What do you want?" Johnny asked again.

"I want to do what I want," Lulu said softly. "I want to be with who I want. I want to say what I want."

"Then do it," Johnny requested. "Put yourself first."

"I love you, too," Lulu whispered, pressing her lips to his.

Johnny pulled Lulu into his body, not breaking the kiss. He slammed his front door shut and pushed Lulu against it. He trailed kisses down her jaw to her neck. Her breath caught as his hands trailed up her arms. His touch was so soft, his lips so perfect. He broke away from her and looked into her eyes. He smiled at the look of desire on her face. This was everything he dreamed of, but he needed to make sure it was what she wanted.

"Are you sure?" Johnny asked, gently stroking her face with the back of his hand.

"One hundred percent," Lulu breathed, leaning into his touch.

"I love you so much," Johnny whispered, pressing feather light kisses to her neck and collarbone.

"I love you, too," Lulu replied, bringing his lips back to her own.

Their lips met passionately and Johnny swept her up into his arms and carried her to his bedroom. As soon as he was through the door, he set Lulu back on her feet. She broke their kiss and pulled his T-shirt up and over his head and tossed it to the ground. She smiled, remembering how gorgeous his chest was. She kissed the area over his heart and he let out a contented sigh. He ran his hands down her body and around to the back of the dress she was wearing. He slowly let the zipper down and then forced Lulu to step back so he could watch the dress fall at her feet. His eyes roamed down her body and she blushed slightly at his intense gaze.

He stepped closer to her again and leaned down to gently brush his lips against hers. He captured her left hand in his and then kissed the top of it, taking notice of the fact that her rings were gone. He turned her hand so he could kiss her palm and the inside of her wrist. He wrapped her arm around his neck and then kissed her deeply. Their tongues dueled for control of the kiss as Johnny walked them backwards toward the bed. Lulu's legs hit the edge of the bed first and she fell back onto it, bringing Johnny down on top of her. She immediately flipped them so she was on top and she took control of the kiss. She pulled her lips away from his and moved to his neck. Her hands worked on his jeans and once she got the button and zipper undone, he kicked them off.

Johnny flipped them again and started cherishing her body with his lips and his hands. He stripped them of their remaining clothing and finally met her lips with his again. Lulu broke the kiss and let her head fall back onto the pillow. Johnny smiled at her, laying beneath him with a look of pure love in her eyes. He leaned down and caught her lips in a sweet kiss as they became one. He held the moment as long as he could before he began making love to her.

Of all the times Johnny had dreamed of making love to Lulu, he had never imagined how wonderful it would be. He loved every sound and move she made and every feeling she evoked in him. For years he had believed he would lead a lonely life, never bothering to hope for more. But as he and Lulu moved together in unison, he found a peace he never knew existed. This love he had with Lulu was the most precious gift he had ever received.

Johnny made a final push and then collapsed into Lulu's arms. She tried to steady her breathing as she softly caressed his back. He kissed her neck lightly and then placed a chaste kiss to her lips before rolling off of her. Lulu turned onto her side and settled into his arms. She placed her hand on his chest and looked up into his eyes. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead lovingly. Lulu smiled back and then rested her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep. Johnny watched her sleep for awhile before resting his head against hers and letting sleep take him over as well.


	9. Love, Life and Lawsuits

A/N – This is one of the shortest chapters I think I've had for this story. I've always felt like you could say a lot with a little, so I'm hoping you all will find that to be true. I wanted to say thank you for all the great feedback I've been getting on this story! When I set out to do it, it was so unconventional that I wasn't sure people would go along for the ride, but I'm glad everyone has! Thanks for reading and please leave me another lovely review!

**Chapter 8 – Love, Life and Lawsuits**

Lulu's eyes fluttered open and she smiled, remembering where she was. She turned over, expecting to find Johnny, but instead found an empty bed. She sat up, pulling the sheets around her body and looked around for any sign of Johnny. She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard him clattering around in another room of the apartment. She quickly jumped out of bed and found his T-shirt that was still on the floor from the night before. She pulled it over her head and headed in the direction of the noise. She found Johnny standing in his kitchen, preparing a tray of food.

"Who's that for?" Lulu asked, causing Johnny to turn around.

"It's supposed to be for the beauty in my bed," Johnny smiled. "But since you're up, I guess it can be for you at the table."

"You were going to serve me breakfast in bed?" Lulu wondered, walking closer to him.

"I thought it would be a nice surprise," Johnny replied, reaching out and pulling her into his arms.

"I could get back in bed if you want," Lulu offered.

"Only if I'm coming with you," Johnny smirked.

"Then I'm definitely getting back in bed," Lulu said before pressing her lips to his. Their kiss became more passionate, but Johnny forced himself to pull away.

"Why don't you eat first and get your strength up?" Johnny suggested.

"In that case, you better eat, too," Lulu said, smiling seductively.

"Deal," Johnny replied, pulling away from Lulu and turning back to the tray.

Lulu took a seat at the small table in the kitchen and Johnny placed her breakfast in front of her. She thanked him and began to eat the pancakes and bacon he had prepared. He took a seat next to her and they ate in silence. When they finished, Johnny took the dishes and placed them in the sink. When he turned back to Lulu, she was staring thoughtfully out into space.

"Lulu, why did you come here last night?" Johnny asked.

"Because I couldn't make another sacrifice," Lulu answered, meeting Johnny's stare.

"So, are you here to stay?" Johnny questioned hopefully.

"You want me to move in with you?" Lulu wondered in shock.

"Well, if you want," Johnny shrugged. "I guess I'm wondering if you're leaving Matt for good."

"My heart left Matt a long time ago," Lulu replied. "I want to be where my heart is and that's with you."

"Really?" Johnny asked, a smile gracing his face.

"Really," Lulu nodded, standing up.

She took a step towards Johnny but he shook his head. He laughed at her confused expression and walked closer to her. He lifted her up onto the table and kissed her softly. She deepened the kiss and ran her hands along his bare back. He began to lay her back on the table and she broke their kiss and smiled at him.

"What happened to going back to bed?" Lulu wondered.

"Too far," Johnny muttered, kissing her neck.

"I couldn't agree more," Lulu breathed.

* * *

Johnny smiled as he came out of the bathroom with his towel wrapped around his waist. He had left Lulu to finish the shower alone. They had spent the morning making love in every room of his apartment and he couldn't have been happier. He decided to finally get dressed so he slipped into a T-shirt and sweat pants.

"Aww," Lulu groaned from the doorway, holding a towel around her. "Why did you get dressed?"

"I thought it was time," Johnny laughed.

"Why would you think that?" Lulu asked, walking over to slip into his arms.

"I hate to bring this up, but you have to go home and get your stuff sometime," Johnny said softly. "And you can't do that if we keep doing what we've been doing."

"I know I do," Lulu sighed. "I was just trying to put it off."

"Why?" Johnny wondered.

"Because even though we both know it's over, Matt will put up a fight," Lulu explained. "I'd rather wait until I know he's working and sneak in."

"You'll have to face him eventually," Johnny replied. "Why not get it over with?"

"You're right," Lulu conceded. "But it doesn't make it any easier to leave you."

"I could go with you," Johnny offered, but Lulu shook her head.

"I need to do this alone," Lulu said. "But I appreciate the offer."

Lulu kissed Johnny softly before leaving his arms to get dressed. Johnny made them sandwiches for lunch and they sat down to eat before Lulu had to leave. They talked a little about work as they ate, giving each other advice on cases. After they finished, Lulu helped Johnny with the breakfast and lunch dishes. Johnny couldn't help but smile at her and how natural it felt to do something as simple as washing dishes with her.

"What?" Lulu asked, catching him looking at her.

"Nothing," Johnny said, letting the water out of the sink.

"Something," Lulu argued, drying her hands. "Why were you smiling like that?"

"This feels right," Johnny smiled, drying his hands as well. "Being with you, even if we're just doing something simple. It feels right."

"I love you," Lulu whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I love you, too," Johnny replied, kissing her lips softly.

"I don't want to leave," Lulu groaned.

"You'll be back soon and then you'll never leave my arms again," Johnny promised.

"I can't wait," Lulu smiled, kissing him again.

They stayed in their embrace, neither wanting to leave their perfect moment. Johnny finally pulled away for air and kissed her forehead. She leaned into his chest and hugged him tightly.

"I'll see you soon," Lulu breathed.

"I'll be here," Johnny swore, letting her leave his arms.

He walked her to the door and kissed her again before she left. He turned and leaned against the door and smiled widely. He remembered his mother's words to him about finding love. How amazing it was. He had forced himself to forget about that, believing that it wasn't something he would experience. But he found it with Lulu and it was perfect.

* * *

Lulu stood outside the front door, dreading going inside her house. She decided to do it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid. The sooner she told Matt the truth, the sooner she would be back with Johnny. She pushed open the door and was met immediately by Matt. He pulled her into a hug, which she shrugged off.

"Lulu, I was so worried," Matt said, trying to take her hand, but Lulu wouldn't let him.

"Don't pretend like you care," Lulu scoffed.

"I do care," Matt said firmly. "I must have tried to call you fifty times last night, but I kept getting your voice mail."

"I turned my phone off," Lulu said simply.

"I'm so sorry about the way I treated you last night," Matt said, leading Lulu into the living room. "You deserve better."

"Yes, I do," Lulu agreed, steeling herself to tell Matt she was leaving him.

"I'm going to do better," Matt promised. "But first I need to tell you something."

"What?" Lulu asked, noting Matt's serious expression.

"Patrick didn't want to meet for drinks last night to help me unwind," Matt explained. "And he didn't send me on this conference because he thought I would learn something."

"Then why?" Lulu wondered.

"I'm being sued for malpractice, Lulu," Matt exhaled.


	10. Flying High and Falling Down

A/N – So a lot of anxiety after the last chapter about what is to come. It's great to see that everyone is attached to this story in a way that elicits emotion! Anyway, I won't delay the reading of this chapter anymore. Read and please leave me a review!

**Chapter 9 – Flying High and Falling Down**

Johnny stared at the work he had gotten out in hopes of making the time before Lulu came back, came home, go faster. He wasn't getting much done and it didn't surprise him at all. All he could think about was Lulu. How soft her skin was beneath his fingertips. How her perfume was his new favorite smell. How the taste of her kiss always kept him coming back for more. He was going into a love haze, but he couldn't find it in his heart to care. Lulu changed his life in such an amazing way and he was so thankful for her.

He thought back to the day they first met. Her wedding day to another man. Of course then, Johnny didn't know anything about her and never expected to fall in love with her. And even when he did begin to fall for her, his plan had been to keep it a secret. He never wanted to break apart her marriage or her happiness. But when it became clear that she wasn't happy, his heart wouldn't let him stay away. So much had changed so quickly between them and now they were going to begin a life together.

He briefly wondered if Matt would fight the divorce, but he knew if Lulu was put through a tough divorce, he would be there for her. Johnny would be there for Lulu as long as she wanted him. His mind began to make plans for their future. Marrying and settling down were things that scared him to death only months before, but now he wanted exactly that with Lulu. He had once sworn to himself that he would never be a father because he feared alienating his children as his father had done to him. But now he dreamed of what a child with Lulu would look like and act like. He imagined a beautiful baby in Lulu's arms and his heart swelled with pride.

Johnny was knocked out of his daydream by the sound of his phone ringing. He sighed and found his phone on the coffee table and picked it up to answer it.

"Hello?" Johnny said, the happiness still clear in his voice.

"_Johnny, it's Alexis_," she replied. "_I have a question on the Oakley case._"

"Um, okay," Johnny said, digging through his case files. "Go ahead."

"_Does the defendant have a history of drug use?_" Alexis questioned.

"No, this is his first offense of any kind," Johnny answered, looking at the file. "It's making it very hard to come up with a convincing argument as to why he should be put in jail."

"_Do you think he's innocent_?" Alexis wondered.

"No, but I think a jury would think he deserved a second chance," Johnny explained. "They wouldn't give him more than a slap on the wrist."

"_So you think I should arrange a plea bargain?_" Alexis asked.

"You're in charge," Johnny shrugged.

"_Well, I trust your judgment_," Alexis replied.

"Then yes," Johnny agreed. "I think you should plea him out."

"_Okay, I'll work on an agreement_," Alexis said in compliance. "_Can I say something to you without it sounding inappropriate?_"

"I guess," Johnny said slowly.

"_You actually sound happy_," Alexis said with a smile evident in her voice. "_Normally when I talk to you over the phone you're all business, but right now you have a different tone to your voice that makes me think I may have interrupted something._"

"No, you didn't interrupt anything," Johnny assured her. "But I am happy. I think it's going to be a permanent change."

"_Well, I'm glad to hear it,_" Alexis replied. "_You're a great person, from what I've witnessed, and you deserve to be happy. As long as you don't get so happy you leave the office. If that happened, we would have a problem._"

"I don't plan to," Johnny laughed.

"_Good_," Alexis said quickly.

Johnny laughed again and said goodbye to Alexis before hanging up the phone. Lulu really had done a number on him if he could no longer mask his emotions, even over the phone. But he didn't care. He did deserve to be happy and he was. He was happy and desperately in love. And nothing could change that.

* * *

Lulu sat on the couch trying to process what Matt had just said.

_I'm being sued for malpractice, Lulu._

Lulu tried to think back to any patients or surgeries he might have mentioned recently, but there were none. They hadn't talked about his career or anything at all for over a month. Matt got off the couch and started pacing in front of her and Lulu took a deep breath to steady herself.

"Why?" Lulu asked.

"I had a patient die on the table a few weeks ago," Matt explained. "We did all we could for her, but the family can't accept the death and they're taking their grief out on me. They've hired Diane Miller and they're after my license. Patrick says they have no evidence, but with her as their lawyer they have a case. She's the best there is, according to him."

Lulu sighed and leaned her head back against the couch. This was all too much. All she wanted was to run away and back to Johnny and never think about Matt or his problems again, but how could she do that now?

"I'm sure there's someone better who could represent you," Lulu offered. "You just have to find them."

"Well, I am married to the most beautiful lawyer in the whole world," Matt said sweetly.

"I can't represent you," Lulu snapped, ignoring his attempt at flattery.

"Why not?" Matt asked.

"I work for the district attorney's office," Lulu explained. "That makes me a public official and we can't take outside cases. Besides, I don't think I'd be a good defense attorney."

"Well, I can find another lawyer," Matt replied. "That's not even a huge worry."

"And what is a huge worry?" Lulu asked.

"Us," Matt answered quickly.

Lulu couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. He needed her to be the good little wife to improve his image. He was going to ask her to ignore their problems and stand by his side through this lawsuit. The only question was, would she do as he asked?

"Lulu, I know we have some problems-" Matt started, but was cut off.

"We have nothing but problems, Matt," Lulu said harshly.

"Okay, but we can get through them," Matt said adamantly. "We've been together for so long and our love has never wavered. We can survive anything."

Lulu stared blankly at him, wondering to herself if he actually believed the things he said. She assumed he did because he was so out of touch with her, he probably didn't see that she wasn't in love with him. Or that she had fallen in love with someone else right under his nose. He probably never considered that while she was out all night, she was in the arms of another man.

"I don't know if we can survive anything," Lulu said softly. "I don't think you understand how bad our problems are."

"Look, I have probably been the worst husband in the history of the world," Matt conceded. "But I love you and that counts for a lot."

"Maybe in your mind," Lulu muttered and Matt sighed.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me immediately," Matt continued. "I'm just asking you to give me a chance to earn your forgiveness."

"And make you look better, right?" Lulu asked.

"It's not even about that," Matt said defensively, but Lulu held her hand up to stop him.

"Don't bother trying to lie about it," Lulu replied. "I don't think I would be a very good defense lawyer, but I still know some of the tricks. You have to have a good image and your wife leaving you because you're an ass wouldn't help you win the case."

"Were you really considering leaving me?" Matt questioned.

"I wasn't considering, I had decided," Lulu answered. "And the fact that you are so surprised by that is the exact reason why. You don't know I exist outside of what I can do for you."

"I'm sorry, Lu," Matt said with a sincere look on his face. "You have to know I never wanted our life together to be this way."

Lulu pressed her fingertips to her forehead, trying not to be effected by his words. She had every right to tell him to go to hell and let him fight for his license all on his own. But aside from everything that had transpired during their marriage, he was still her husband. He was still the man who had been by her side for years. He was still someone she cared about on some level. If she walked away from him now, he might lose his career as well as his wife.

"I know you didn't," Lulu whispered.

"Please don't leave," Matt begged.

"I won't," Lulu promised, her heart breaking into pieces as Johnny's face flashed in her mind.

* * *

Johnny hummed to himself as he put the finishing touches on the table he had set just moments before. He had organized a small, romantic dinner for Lulu and himself to celebrate the start of their life together. He had to laugh as he looked at the table because he never thought he would discover a romantic side to himself, but he had.

He looked at his watch and wondered why Lulu wasn't back yet. He didn't know exactly how much she was packing to bring over, so he assumed she was just getting everything so she wouldn't have to go back to her house. He couldn't blame her for that, but he was still anxious to have her in his arms again.

As if reading his mind and granting his wish, Lulu walked through the door of his apartment. He saw the tear tracks on her cheek and he wanted to beat the hell out of Matt. Johnny imagined that Matt had tried to make her feel guilty and maybe succeeded slightly. Johnny pushed away his angry thoughts and embraced Lulu. She stiffened as his arms circled around her and Johnny pulled away, not wanting to make anything worse for her.

"I made us dinner," Johnny said with a smile. "I thought you could use a nice meal after what I'm sure was a hard experience for you."

"Johnny," Lulu said softly and Johnny's stomach turned at the tone in her voice.

"Did you leave all of your stuff in your car?" Johnny asked, trying to ignore the feeling he had. "I could get it for you or we could wait and get it later."

"Johnny, I have to tell you something," Lulu said and Johnny knew what she was going to say, but he still didn't want to hear it.

"No, we don't have to talk right now," Johnny said, forcing a smile and rambling on. "Let's just eat and enjoy being together. I missed you while you were gone. I know it was only a few hours, but it felt like forever. I guess that's a part of being in love I'll never get used to. The desperate need to be with you all the time. It's such a strange feeling, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I-"

"Stop! Just please, stop!" Lulu yelled, tears pouring down her face. "I'm not leaving Matt, so we can't eat and enjoy being together. You're going to keep missing me because I didn't come here to stay."

Johnny sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes. He always knew there was no such thing as perfection.


	11. Barely Breathing

A/N – This was a very emotional chapter to write. I am really interested to see the feedback I get from it! I don't want to take up any more reading time, so I'll simply say, go Colts and happy reading!

**Chapter 10 – Barely Breathing**

Lulu thought about just turning and walking out. She really had no idea how to begin to explain to Johnny what had changed. She didn't want to have to. She hated Matt for doing this. Not necessarily for the pain she was feeling, but for the pain on Johnny's face right now as he just stared at her. Blankly. There was no expression, and worst of all, no love. The loving gaze that had swept over her, that she had become accustomed to, was gone.

He turned from her and the tears began to pour down her face more rapidly. He walked into the kitchen and she followed, needing to explain somehow. To try and make the love come back. She didn't know what to do if he didn't love her anymore. Her eye caught the beautiful table with the dinner he had made for them a second before he overturned it. All of its contents clattered to the ground and the table broke as Johnny kicked it violently. Lulu jumped back, not out of fear for herself, but fear for Johnny. What was she doing to him?

"Johnny," Lulu sobbed. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Johnny asked, his voice laced with malice. "I'm so damn tired of your games. You're not sorry. You don't give a damn about anyone or anything but yourself."

"That's not true," Lulu protested. "I love you."

"Right," Johnny laughed humorlessly. "You love me. You love Matt. You love me, again. What do you expect me to say, Lulu? Hmm? Do you want me to say 'I love you, too'? Do you want me to beg you to stay with me and not to stay with your husband?"

"Johnny," Lulu whimpered.

"You do, don't you?" Johnny said, rolling his eyes. "You get your kicks off of breaking hearts. Hell, I'm probably not the first, right?"

"Please say you don't believe that," Lulu cried.

"I don't know what to believe," Johnny replied, hurt flashing in his eyes, which he quickly replaced with his anger from before. "All I know is I'm looking at a liar."

"I didn't lie to you, Johnny, never," Lulu promised.

"Really?" Johnny asked. "Because I seem to remember something about wanting to be with me and stay with me. I seem to remember you telling me, repeatedly, that you loved me. If that's not a lie, why aren't you staying?"

"Because I never get what I want," Lulu answered.

"No," Johnny shook his head. "That's just another lie. You're a lawyer, Lulu. If you want something, you take it and there is no reason why you can't take a life with me if that's really what you want."

"It's not that simple," Lulu fought.

"It never is," Johnny sighed. "I had life all figured out. No need for love because it isn't real. It's all lies and manipulation. But for some reason, I abandoned all of that for a married woman who said she loved me. I guess I shouldn't even be angry with you because I was the idiot who traded in all I knew to be true for someone who didn't want me."

"You don't believe what you're saying," Lulu said, a sob escaping her lips. "You're lashing out at me because I hurt you, but you don't believe that I don't want you. You don't believe that our love isn't real."

"You don't know anything about me," Johnny yelled.

"I do know," Lulu cried. "I know because you talked to me and I talked to you and-"

"And it was all fake!" Johnny screamed, effectively cutting her off.

Lulu inhaled sharply and started to shake as the sobs racked her body. Johnny turned from her again and went back into the living room. Lulu clenched her hand to her chest, sure that her heart was about to fall out from the pain she was feeling. She coaxed her legs into walking back into the living room, only to find it empty. Johnny came out of the bedroom, holding a file in his hand.

"While you were gone I started looking for houses," Johnny admitted. "I tried working, but I couldn't really focus, so I got online and looked for a new place for us. I like my apartment, but it's not really a family place and I knew that was something you wanted. Or at least you said you did, so I guess that's hit or miss."

"Johnny," Lulu squeaked out, but Johnny shook his head.

"The worst part of this is that it wasn't fake for me. I loved you. But that's over now. You have a husband and you two might have a family some day. I know you like the house you have now and it's new, but here's one that I liked," he said, holding up the file and then handing it to her. "I printed out all of the information. It looked like it had a big back yard that kids would love to play in. And it had a porch swing that faced West which would be perfect for watching sunsets. You probably don't want the house, but maybe you can keep the papers and not forget about me. What kind of hopeless fool am I? I want the happily married woman to remember I exist. But I can't help it. I don't think I'd survive if I knew how little I really meant to you."

"I could never forget you," Lulu swore. "And I'm not staying with Matt forever. Listen, he's being sued for malpractice and if I divorce him, he'll most likely lose his license. I may not be in love with Matt anymore, but he doesn't deserve that."

"But I deserve this?" Johnny wondered. "I deserve to be the one left behind?"

"No," Lulu cried. "This is only temporary. When the case is over, everything will be like we planned."

"No, it won't," Johnny sighed. "Because the next time it will be something else. Another reason you have to stay with him."

"That's not true," Lulu argued. "If this was just about me or Matt then I would be here to stay right now, but it's not. There are people out there who deserve to be cared for by a great doctor and that's what Matt is. He's a horrible husband and a pretty bad person, but he's a great doctor. This is about them, too."

"Maybe you're right," Johnny shrugged. "But I can't be stupid again."

"What do you mean?" Lulu asked.

"I'm selfish, Lulu," Johnny replied. "I won't share. I won't be the other man waiting for the day when his dream girl finally leaves her husband. Because we both know the longer you put it off, the less likely it is to happen. Hell, maybe you and Matt will rediscover the reasons you got married while this trial is going on."

"That's not going to happen," Lulu tried, but Johnny stopped her protests with his eyes.

"I won't give it a chance to," Johnny said sternly. "I want you to choose right now. If you leave, I'll accept it. No hard feelings, we were a mistake and you regret it. I won't call Matt and tell him about last night or ruin you publicly. It will be over and done with. But know that I do want you to stay, and I believe if you really want to, you will."

Lulu took in Johnny's words with pain in her heart. He was giving her an ultimatum. Demanding that she stay or face the consequences of a life without him. She was a little shocked that he would force her to choose. Of course it wasn't fair for him to have to wait on Matt's trial, but didn't he understand the weight that was on Lulu's shoulders? Didn't he see that by asking her to stay right now he was asking her to single-handedly ruin someone's life?

"Your silence says it all," Johnny snapped, a look of hatred in his eyes. "Get out of my apartment."

"Wait," Lulu begged. "Don't do this."

"Are you staying with me or him?" Johnny asked, his voice rising.

"I-I-I," Lulu sputtered.

"You don't love me," Johnny finished for her. "You don't want to stay with me. You want your life to be the way it was before you met me. Guess what, Lulu. You're finally going to get what you want."

"Please," Lulu whimpered, desperately trying to think of something to say that would make this runaway train stop.

"I think I always knew how this would end," Johnny said, walking to the door and opening it. "You walking out of here, going back to him. It was the only way it could end. There is no such thing as a happily ever after."

"I love you," Lulu said, stopping in front of Johnny and trying to bring her hands to his face.

"No," Johnny snapped, catching her hands. "You don't, but it doesn't matter. Because I don't love you anymore."

"Love doesn't just go away," Lulu argued.

"Sure it does," Johnny replied, guiding Lulu out the door and letting his hand rest on the doorknob. "You can't feel love if you can't feel anything."

With those words, Johnny shut the door in Lulu's face. She raised her fists up to it, beating on it desperately, praying he would open the door and say that he changed his mind. But he didn't. He didn't say a word or utter a sound. She sunk to the floor and cried for at least an hour. Finally, she picked herself up off the ground and leaned her forehead against the cool door one last time.

"I'll never stop loving you, Johnny," Lulu promised, shutting her eyes as the last tears she had swam down her face. With nothing left to say or do, she turned from the door and walked away.

* * *

Johnny knew he looked awful. He hadn't slept a wink the night before. He had, however, drank a lot of alcohol. He knew going into the office in the shape he was in was a bad idea, but he wasn't thinking about the future of his career. This time he was only thinking about finding a way to survive.

He knocked on the door in front of him and was called to come inside. He took one last deep breath before entering and finding Alexis on the phone. When she looked up, her eyes widened and she quickly ended the call.

"What the hell are you doing here looking like that?" Alexis demanded. "Do you know how bad you're making this office look right now? I should fire you."

"Okay," Johnny nodded. "Go ahead."

"What?" Alexis asked in shock.

"Fire me," Johnny supplied.

"That was an empty threat," Alexis muttered. "You're too valuable."

"Then I owe you an apology for what I'm about to do," Johnny sighed. "I appreciate all of the opportunities that came along with this job. Being your ADA gave me more than you'll ever know."

"Why do I feel a 'but' coming on?" Alexis wondered, shutting her eyes tightly.

"But I have to quit," Johnny finished.

"Why?" Alexis asked.

"I'd rather not say," Johnny breathed.

"Isn't there any way I can get you to stay?" Alexis questioned.

"No," Johnny replied. "There's nothing for me in Port Charles."

"So, who snatched you up?" Alexis asked. "Who is the big law firm that's taking you away?"

"I don't have a job to go to," Johnny admitted. "I just can't be here anymore and I'm going to ask you to understand that."

"I can't agree to understanding it," Alexis responded. "But I will accept it, since you seem so adamant."

"Thank you," Johnny said, offering a small smile.

"If you need anything, call me," Alexis offered, shaking his hand.

"I will," Johnny nodded and then exited her office.

He headed for his car and quickly got in. He hated how he had become a coward. How _**she **_turned him into a coward. She__made him into so many things. Desperate, pathetic, broken. And alone. He'd been alone for years, but it had never bothered him before losing her.

Why had he listened to her words? Why had he stood at the door and listened to her sobs and cries? Why had he remained to hear her say she would never stop loving him? Why couldn't he say or think her name?

Because it hurt too much.

It hurt too much because he was still feeling, despite what he told her. He still loved her. He was beginning to think he would always love her. That she would be the one person he couldn't get away from. The one he couldn't hide his heart from. The one he would dream about.

_**She**_ was the one he couldn't really live without.

* * *

Lulu woke to the sound of her door opening. She slowly sat up, looking around and remembering she had spent the night at Carly's. Her head was pounding, probably from crying herself to sleep. Or maybe the bottle of tequila she had downed. Either way, Carly was by her side, offering her a bottle of water and two aspirin.

"Thank you," Lulu muttered, taking them both from her hands.

"You wouldn't say a word about what was going on last night. Do you want to tell me what has you so upset now?" Carly asked.

"No," Lulu answered, tears gathering in her eyes as she remembered the look on Johnny's face the previous night.

"Come on, honey, you need to talk about it," Carly said soothingly. "Is it about Matt?"

Lulu laughed sadly and nodded. Of course, Matt wasn't really to blame. Lulu knew the only person she had to blame was herself and that was what made it so difficult. She had done everything wrong and now she had to deal with the consequences.

"It's probably not as bad as you think," Carly offered, rubbing Lulu's back in a soothing manner.

"You have no idea," Lulu replied, her voice hoarse from so many hours of crying.

"Maybe you can enlighten me?" Carly suggested.

"I don't even know where to start," Lulu groaned, letting her head fall into her hands as she began to cry again.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Carly said, frowning at how devastated her young cousin was.

"I cheated on Matt," Lulu admitted.

"And he found out?" Carly guessed.

"No," Lulu shook her head. "He doesn't know, but he doesn't know much about me as it is."

"You sound like you're thinking of leaving him," Carly noted.

"I am or at least I was," Lulu muttered. "It wasn't just a one night stand or a mistake. I'm in love with someone else, Carly."

"Oh boy," Carly breathed.

"Yeah," Lulu agreed. "But I didn't even care if I broke Matt's heart and I was going to leave him for Johnny-"

"Johnny?" Carly asked, interrupting Lulu. "As in Johnny Zacchara, the other ADA who you hated the last time I talked to you?"

"That's him," Lulu nodded. "But you know, I never really hated him. I wanted to, but there was always just something about him. He had my attention from the start and looking back, it wasn't because he was my competition."

"So what happened?" Carly wondered.

"Matt just found out he's being sued for malpractice," Lulu explained, her voice soft. "If I leave him now he would look really bad. But when I told Johnny that I couldn't leave him just yet..."

"He refused to wait," Carly finished and Lulu burst into another round of sobs.

"I love Johnny so much, Carly," Lulu cried. "I know asking him to wait is selfish, but don't I owe it to Matt to help him keep his license?"

"Do you really want to talk about what you owe Matt?" Carly asked.

"I never should have married him," Lulu sighed. "We haven't been happy for our entire marriage. Maybe it was wrong to seek comfort somewhere else, but I don't regret Johnny. Not even for a second."

"Then why do you feel the need to help Matt keep his job?" Carly questioned.

"Because we may not be compatible as husband and wife, but we have a lot of history," Lulu answered. "I watched him work himself to death while he was in med school. I saw him drained of energy, yet still saving lives when he was an intern. He deserves to continue practicing medicine."

"So you're really willing to throw away your future for your past?" Carly wondered.

"It's not that simple," Lulu argued.

"I think it is," Carly replied. "I'm not saying that Johnny was right in making you choose, but he had his reasons. And you not choosing him probably said a lot in his mind."

"I know," Lulu sobbed. "I know what I did to Johnny was wrong, but I don't think I could make it right now. Even if I left Matt right now, Johnny wouldn't take me back."

"You don't know that," Carly said, wiping away her tears.

"Yes, I do," Lulu cried. "He told me he didn't love me anymore."

"Oh, honey," Carly soothed. "He didn't mean it."

"He did," Lulu insisted. "He's been through so much in his life and he let me in and I broke his heart. How could he still love me?"

"Lulu, listen to me," Carly said firmly, taking Lulu's face in her hands. "If he was really able to stop loving you so quickly, then he never loved you at all. Now, I trust your judgment and I think if you were willing to leave your husband for him, you knew he loved you. Maybe he's hurting right now and lashing out, but it doesn't mean you should give up on the two of you being together."

"Then what should I do?" Lulu asked. "How is this situation going to work out?"

"I don't know," Carly shrugged. "But I know if you and Johnny really love each other, which I think you do, then you owe it to your heart to not give up."


	12. Regret

A/N – I know there were a lot of mixed emotions after the last chapter, but emotion is what makes life, in my opinion, so if you're feeling something when you read this, then I'm happy. This update goes out to Wendy who made my day today! Happy reading and please leave a review!

**Chapter 11 – Regret**

Lulu waited outside as Matt talked to the lawyer of the opposing side and the judge. Even though Lulu had advised him otherwise, Matt still hadn't obtained professional counsel. He stubbornly believed he could convince the family to give up on the case. Lulu looked at her watch and sighed.

She hadn't seen Johnny in two weeks.

She hadn't heard his voice in ten days.

After talking more to Carly, Lulu had resolved to call Johnny. She was hoping after a night to sleep on it, maybe he would have changed his mind. When he didn't answer her calls for the first couple of days, she didn't let it get to her. She just left voice mails asking him to call her back. Then she went back to work and found out he had quit. That fact worried her even more. She was seconds away from going to his apartment, but she didn't in favor of trying to call him one more time. When the message played, telling her the phone was disconnected she broke down in tears. He was shutting her out and he had no intention of stopping. It was really over for him.

Lulu threw herself into work, hoping that she could mask her pain in that way. Because of all the memories she had with Johnny at the office, it wasn't very helpful. What made things worse was that Matt didn't even notice that she wasn't sleeping in the same room as him anymore. She had moved all of her stuff into another bedroom and didn't speak to him unless he spoke to her first.

"Hey, let's go," Matt said roughly, pulling her from her thoughts.

"What did the judge say?" Lulu asked, standing up and following after him.

"My hearing begins in three weeks," Matt replied. "He told me to let him know as soon as I got someone to represent me."

"Do you even have any ideas on who that will be?" Lulu wondered.

"I didn't think it would be necessary," Matt answered.

"I told you it would be," Lulu muttered.

"And you're so perfectly right all the time," Matt said, rolling his eyes. "How could I forget?"

"Forget it," Lulu snapped. "I'm going back to work. Find someone on your own."

"I will!" Matt yelled.

Lulu slammed the door to her car and drove the short distance back to her office. She had the entire morning off, but she obviously didn't need it. Matt could deal with his problems all on his own. She pulled into the parking lot, realizing that she had given up Johnny to help Matt and she wasn't even doing that. It was all for nothing.

She wiped away the stray tears that had fallen and headed inside to get to work. Other times in her life when things had seemingly fallen apart, burying herself in cases had always been the best thing for her. But now, it wasn't enough. No matter what she did or how she tried to escape the pain, she just couldn't get away.

* * *

Johnny had been in hell for two weeks. It was all he could do every day not to break down in tears, a feeling he had never experienced before. He never expected to miss Lulu so much. In the beginning, he had listened to all of her messages, just wanting, needing to hear her voice. But that was even more painful and he had eventually canceled his service so he couldn't be tempted to listen to her voice mails any longer.

He looked out at the place his car had driven itself. He hadn't been here since the day he graduated from law school. He opened his door and got out, walking slowly towards his destination. He passed several worn headstones before he finally got to the newest one in the old cemetery. His mother's.

He sat down on the grass next to it, trying to think of words to say. He had always talked to his mom when life seemed out of control or when he needed guidance. Now it was both. He ran his hand over the top of the cool granite and sighed.

"I wish I was six years old again," Johnny muttered. "Remember how I used to do something wrong, but if I just felt bad about what I had done, you wouldn't punish me? You would just take me in your arms and tell me to learn from my mistakes. I miss that. I wish right now you could hold me and make me feel like things were going to be okay."

Johnny closed his eyes and looked toward the sky, holding back tears.

"I made a mistake, Mom," Johnny whispered. "And I regret it. But the problem is, I don't feel bad for doing it. I only regret it because of the way I feel now. I only think it was a mistake because if it was right, I wouldn't be heartbroken."

Johnny shook his head slightly, trying to find the words to explain his feelings.

"I finally fell in love," Johnny admitted. "I fell hard, too. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. And even the little quirks that I would normally find annoying I find cute about her. They're just more things to love. I never wanted to feel like this about someone because I thought it made you mentally weak and I was right. Lulu...wow, it's hard to say her name. Lulu is married. I fell in love with a married woman."

He covered his face, ashamed to admit something like that out loud. Even though he knew in his head his mother couldn't hear him, he still hated to think that she would be disappointed in him because of his relationship with Lulu.

"But that's not really the bad part, I guess," Johnny continued. "I'm sure several people fall in love with people who are taken all the time, but they just accept that it won't work and move on. And I tried to do that, I really did. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't meant to be, but I just couldn't. Lulu was all I ever thought about and then I kissed her for the first time. That was when I knew I couldn't really let go. I tried to tell myself I could for awhile, but finally I decided to own up to my feelings. I thought if I told Lulu I loved her and she rejected me it would all be over. But she didn't reject me. She cheated on her husband with me."

Johnny thought back to that night. The night he had held Lulu in his arms. The night he made love to her again and again. The only night in his life he had felt complete.

"I was so happy, Mom," Johnny said softly. "But happiness just doesn't last when your last name is Zacchara. Lulu said she was going to leave her husband for me, but she didn't. She actually had a good reason for delaying it. His career was basically staked on her staying married to him for a few more months, but I didn't care. I told her it was over. And as horrible as it sounds, I regret that the most. I know that I did what was right by some moral code, but there are times when I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't breathe because I know Lulu's not in my life."

Johnny sighed heavily and felt tears slip from the corner of his eyes.

"But I can't have her and knowing that makes everything worse," Johnny said, the tears falling more freely. "I need to just let go of this pain. It's ridiculous to want someone so much. Especially someone who is clearly not meant for you. It's just so hard to let go. Because if I have the pain of her, I have a piece of her, you know? And I'm starting to think I'd rather have a piece of her for the rest of my life than have nothing. There could never be someone else, that's how much I love her. What do you think, Mom? How do I make things better?"

* * *

Matt sauntered into Jake's in desperate need of alcohol. He'd been searching all week for a lawyer to represent him and had come up empty. No one would take the case because of how little time they had to prepare. He hated to think that Lulu had been right, but it seemed that way.

"What can I get you?" Coleman asked from behind the counter.

"A beer to start with," Matt answered. "I may need something stronger later on, though."

"You got it," Coleman replied, setting a bottle down in front of him.

Matt looked around, wondering what the odds were he would find a lawyer to represent him. His eyes settled on a man at the other end of the bar and squinted to see if it was who he thought it was. Apparently finding a lawyer at Jake's was not that strange.

"Johnny?" Matt asked, walking over to sit next to him.

"Yes?" he replied, not looking up from his scotch.

"I'm sure glad to see you," Matt laughed and Johnny finally met his eyes.

Matt's laugh died on his lips as he took in the facial features of Lulu's former coworker. He was unshaven and had dark rings under his eyes. Matt wasn't sure why Johnny had left the district attorney's office, but he had apparently suffered through something. Johnny was staring at him intently, obviously curious about Matt's previous statement.

"I don't know if you've heard about my lawsuit," Matt started and Johnny laughed once.

"I've heard about it alright," Johnny said, an interesting look that seemed like pain crossing over his face.

"Well, I can't seem to find a lawyer," Matt continued, ignoring Johnny's strange expression. "I've been to everyone in town and they've all turned me away. I know you're a prosecutor normally, but I was thinking maybe you would take the case."

Matt studied Johnny's reaction carefully, a myriad of expressions crossing his face.

"You want me to represent you in your malpractice case?" Johnny asked.

"Yes," Matt nodded. "Will you?"


	13. Nothing to Say

A/N – I just wanted to say happy anniversary Jolu fans! Two years ago today, Johnny and Lulu first made love! Now I'm going to hide because this update isn't exactly anniversary material, but it has a lot going on! Enjoy and please leave a review!

**Chapter 12 – Nothing to Say**

Johnny had been drinking since going to visit his mother's grave. The visit hadn't helped him the way he wanted it to. He hadn't gained any peace about the Lulu situation and that had only depressed him further. He hated himself for going from top-notch lawyer to drunkard in less than three weeks, but he had done exactly that.

He was at Jake's, his bar of choice for the third day in a row when Matt Hunter started talking to him. It was all Johnny could do not to knock him on his ass immediately. This was the bastard that had cost Johnny the woman he loved. And of all things for the jerk to say to him, he was asking a favor. Matt wanted Johnny to represent him in the malpractice case that had changed everything. Johnny would have laughed if the request hadn't broken his heart all over again.

"I don't think you want me to represent you," Johnny muttered, downing the rest of the scotch in his glass.

"Two more, Coleman," Matt called and the bartender obliged. "Why would you think that? I hear you're brilliant."

"It's like you said, I'm a prosecutor," Johnny shrugged. "I don't know anything about being a defense attorney."

"Well, I think that gives you an advantage," Matt replied. "You'll know what the other lawyer is going to try, so you can counter it."

"It's not that simple," Johnny argued. "You need to find someone else."

"There is no one else," Matt said, sipping his drink. "I'm not one to beg for anything, but you're kind of my last hope. If you refuse, I'll just have to concede the case and hand over my medical license. I'm sure Lulu never mentioned me, but you worked with her. I'm sure you care about her at least a little bit, so think about her. What it would mean for her if I didn't have a job anymore."

Johnny sighed heavily. Matt had hit his weak spot: Lulu's happiness. Johnny knew that Lulu wanted Matt to stay a doctor. He began to think about what might be the best way to forget Lulu and ease his pain. Finding a way to help her move on with her husband. Johnny considered the possibility that winning this case for Matt might help Lulu and if that was the case, he couldn't say no.

"Who's the opposing counsel?" Johnny asked.

"Diane Miller," Matt said softly.

"Wow," Johnny breathed, shaking his head and pushing away his scotch. "No wonder everyone's turning you away."

"What about you?" Matt wondered. "Are you going to turn me away, too?"

"When does your trial start?" Johnny questioned.

"18 days," Matt answered and Johnny shook his head.

"Do you realize what you're asking of me?" Johnny inquired. "I've never defended anyone in my life, I don't know anything about you or your case and I'd be put against the most successful civil lawyer in the state."

"The odds are against us," Matt nodded.

"There is no us," Johnny said quickly. "I'm still considering. And I'm probably only considering because I've had a lot to drink."

"Why have you been drinking so much?" Matt wondered. "I heard you quit your job, but I can't imagine why that would drive you to drink unless you were forced to resign."

"There are other factors that really aren't your business," Johnny responded quietly.

What a lie. Matt had every right to know that Johnny had quit because of his affair with Matt's wife. If Johnny were to admit it, Matt would probably immediately repeal his request and Johnny wouldn't have to keep considering it. But he knew he couldn't do that because he had promised Lulu he wouldn't. And he refused to break that promise.

"So what do you think?" Matt asked. "Will you take the case?"

Johnny paused for a few moments just thinking. If he took this case, he could help Matt and Lulu and then walk away. He would know Lulu had a stable marriage and he would be happy for her. As much as he wanted to believe Lulu had loved him, Johnny knew that she was better off with Matt. Matt was the man she was married to and that wasn't going to change.

"Yeah," Johnny nodded. "I'll take the case."

* * *

Lulu thought she was losing her mind. Matt coming home a few days ago with news that Johnny would be defending him was the biggest shock of her life. She'd been trying to understand why he would do it, but there was no logical solution. Finally, she decided she needed answers. Matt had mentioned Johnny was working from his apartment, so Lulu drove over and marched to his door. She knocked furiously and waited as he came to the door.

"May I help you?" Johnny asked, answering the door, but looking down at his notes.

"We have a lot to talk about," Lulu replied, walking in before he could stop her.

The look on Johnny's face when he heard her voice and met her eyes was enough to make Lulu start crying, but she held her composure. She had a lot of questions for him and she wasn't leaving without answers.

"You're right," Johnny said, going to get a pen. "We need to talk about your testimony as Matt's character witness."

"That's the last thing we need to talk about," Lulu argued.

"I don't know if you forgot, but we go to trial in twelve days," Johnny said seriously.

"I need to know why you're handling Matt's case," Lulu demanded.

"Because I'm a lawyer, which is what he needed," Johnny shrugged.

"After everything that happened between us, how can you be okay with helping Matt?" Lulu asked.

"He needed help," Johnny replied. "Why wouldn't I help him?"

"You seem dead set on staying away from me and taking my husband's case is pretty much the exact opposite of that," Lulu pointed out.

"I don't understand why you don't want your husband to be represented in this case," Johnny deflected. "You did want him to keep his license, right? Maybe I misheard."

"Of course I do, but there are other lawyers," Lulu answered. "You're not even a defense attorney."

"So your problem is, you think I'm inadequate counsel," Johnny said, nodding his head. "Well, I assure you, Mrs. _**Hunter**_, I'll do everything in my power to make sure your husband is victorious."

"Don't do that," Lulu said, trying not to lose her emotions.

"Do what?" Johnny asked. "I'm not promising victory, that would be unethical. I'm not aware of anything else I might have done to upset you."

"Stop talking to me like I'm just the wife of your client," Lulu begged.

"Why?" Johnny questioned. "That's all you are."

"No," Lulu said, shaking her head. "I'm the woman you love. I know you love me, Johnny. Is that why you took this case? You want to stay close to me because you still want to be with me?"

"You're my client's wife," Johnny said slowly. "We have no relationship outside of that fact."

"You're lying to my face," Lulu noted. "Please just stop and talk to me."

"About what?" Johnny yelled and then took a deep breath. "We have nothing to talk about because there is nothing between us anymore. As far as I'm concerned, no one is ever going to know what happened with us, so there's no reason to talk about the past."

"Please just tell me why you're representing him," Lulu requested.

"Because it's what's best for everyone," Johnny answered. "Like you said, he's a good doctor and people out there need him to be their doctor. And you need a husband who hasn't been publicly humiliated."

"What about us?" Lulu wondered.

"What happens to me isn't your concern," Johnny replied. "You'll be with Matt, just like you promised to be forever."

"So we'll both be miserable because we're not together?" Lulu asked.

"Just stop!" Johnny growled. "I don't want you. I don't want to be someone's second choice. I don't want to be the other man. Get it through your head!"

Lulu felt light-headed as she listened to Johnny's outburst. She stumbled slightly and leaned against the couch for support. In an instant, Johnny was at her side with a steadying hand, his gentle touch at great contrast with his harsh words. In that moment, Lulu realized his words were more him trying to convince himself. He did want her still.

"Are you okay?" Johnny asked in concern.

"I'm just not feeling well," Lulu replied, pressing her fingertips to her forehead. "I haven't eaten anything this morning."

"I think I have some eggs left, I could make you an omelet or something," Johnny offered.

"No, I wouldn't want to take up anymore of your time," Lulu said, shaking her head. "You need to work on Matt's case."

"Well, we could talk about your testimony while I cook and you eat," Johnny suggested. "I really don't think you're in any shape to drive."

"Do you really want me to stay?" Lulu questioned, implying more in her question purposely.

"I don't want to see you get physically hurt because you're sick and trying to operate a vehicle," Johnny answered.

"Right," Lulu nodded, knowing he wasn't going to admit his feelings. "I'm fine now. I'm going to go."

"What about your testimony?" Johnny wondered.

"Just call me when you're ready to talk about it," Lulu shrugged. "Bye."

"Bye," Johnny called as she exited his apartment.

Lulu felt sick to her stomach as she left his apartment. This was too familiar. Only this time he hadn't shoved her out the door, she had left willingly. She wondered what crazy thing was about to happen. Because every time she had left Johnny in his apartment, her world had been turned upside down.

* * *

Elizabeth had only questioned Lulu briefly when she came in, needing to see a doctor for flu-like symptoms. Lulu had insisted that Matt didn't need to be informed, so Elizabeth ran the standard tests and told Lulu a doctor would give her the results shortly. Elizabeth put a rush on them, knowing that Matt's wife was a priority to Patrick, and by extension, the entire hospital.

When the results came in, Elizabeth went to get them herself, still trying to decide what doctor to send Lulu's way. She assumed if Lulu didn't want Matt to know, then Robin and Patrick were also off limits. She decided that Monica was a safe choice and pulled out the test results so she could brief Monica on Lulu's status. Her eyes skimmed over the results in shock, suddenly understanding why Lulu didn't want Matt to know she had come to the doctor.

Instead of paging Monica, Elizabeth called for a different doctor and directed her to Lulu's room. When Elizabeth entered the room with Dr. Lee, Lulu's eyes widened and Elizabeth realized this news was not expected.

"Why are you here?" Lulu asked, staring at Dr. Lee.

"Because you're pregnant," Dr. Lee smiled.


	14. Testimony

A/N – Wow! So much going on in this chapter and I hope some of it will be pleasing to you! I am loving all of the comments I get on this story. When I set out to write it, I wanted it to be an emotional journey for my readers and I truly hope I have not disappointed. Alright, on to the newest chapter! Please leave me a review!

**Chapter 13 – Testimony**

Lulu sat in her car in front of Johnny's building. She had known she was pregnant for a week, known she was having Johnny's baby for seven days. She came to the conclusion that he had to know. When he had called to talk about her testimony she had considered telling him, but stopped herself knowing this was news you gave face to face. But a few more days passed before she got up the nerve to once again go to Johnny's apartment and tell him he was going to be a father.

She got out of her car and opted to take the elevator. The ride made her slightly nauseous, but she knew it was more nerves than the morning sickness she had been experiencing. She knocked on Johnny's door and heard him coming to answer.

"What do you want, Lulu?" Johnny asked, not opening the door, obviously seeing her through the peephole.

"I was in the neighborhood and I had a question about my testimony," Lulu lied, knowing that was the only way to get inside.

"Why didn't you call?" Johnny wondered, still not opening the door.

"I was in the neighborhood, why waste minutes?" Lulu countered.

"Your phone is issued by the city, you have unlimited minutes," Johnny replied.

"Can you just open the door?" Lulu sighed.

"Fine," Johnny said, rolling his eyes as the door swung open. "What kind of question do you have about your testimony?"

"I see your tone with me hasn't changed," Lulu noted, entering the apartment.

"Lulu, this trial is going to be hard enough to win without you coming here to waste my time," Johnny said seriously, closing the door. "Look, I don't want to argue with you. I'd prefer to be civil and act like adults."

"Are you trying to say I'm acting like a child?" Lulu questioned.

"I'm not getting into this," Johnny said, shaking his head.

"Do you hate me?" Lulu wondered and Johnny met her eyes for the first time.

"I don't see why my feelings or lack thereof matter," Johnny muttered.

"If you look me in the eyes and tell me you hate me, I'll give up," Lulu replied. "I'll walk out the door and I'll stop having hope that you'll take me back eventually."

Lulu's words were some of the truest she'd ever spoken. As much as she wanted her child to know its father, she wouldn't trap Johnny in that way. If he really hated her, she would walk away. She would be heartbroken, but she would walk away. She waited, forgetting to breath, for Johnny to reply.

"I want to hate you," Johnny admitted, holding her gaze. "But I can't. I can't hate you for keeping the promise you made to Matt."

"Johnny, I don't want to stay married to him," Lulu said with tears in her eyes. "I'm only doing it to help him. You took the case, you know he needs me as a witness."

"Lulu, I'm not going to talk about this again," Johnny sighed. "I made my decision and you made yours."

"What can I do to change your mind?" Lulu asked.

"There's nothing you can do," Johnny insisted. "Just let it go, please."

"I can't," Lulu said softly.

"You need to go," Johnny whispered, heading toward the door.

"I came here to talk to you," Lulu muttered, turning to look at him.

"Do you really have a question about your testimony?" Johnny asked with a surprised expression.

"No, but it's something even more important than that," Lulu replied.

"No, Lulu, there is nothing more important right now," Johnny said angrily. "You keep fighting me about this relationship that we don't even have, yet you refuse to see that if I don't get to work, your husband is going to lose."

"My life does not revolve around Matt," Lulu bit back.

"Could have fooled me," Johnny snapped.

"Don't," Lulu yelled. "You can't say one minute what happened with us doesn't matter and then the next minute throw my choice in my face. Just feel for a second."

"You want to know what I feel?" Johnny asked, his voice almost a yell.

"Yes!" Lulu responded.

"I feel like I got ran over by a bus!" Johnny screamed. "You being here for no other reason than to bring up the past and to claim that you have something important to say when you don't makes me crazy. Because like a fool, I keep wondering if you'll say something that makes a difference, but you don't. And I realize, finally, that no matter what you say, nothing will change. The fact is, you're married, you're staying that way and I'm going to be alone."

"You don't have to be alone," Lulu tried, but Johnny rolled his eyes.

"Don't lie to me anymore," Johnny scoffed.

"I'm not," Lulu whispered, tears falling down her face. "Even if you don't want me, you won't be alone. Because I'm pregnant. We're having a baby."

* * *

Johnny drummed his fingers on the table in front of him. Matt had yet to arrive for the start of the trial, even though Johnny had specifically told him to be there an hour early. Now close to fifteen minutes until time to start, Johnny still sat alone.

He let his mind wander, trying to relax and not think about the trial that was about to start. Of course the first thing his mind wandered to was Lulu and her pregnancy. He wondered how things had gotten so out of control that he had slept with a married woman and gotten her pregnant. Lulu had told him and then proceeded to explain that the baby was a sign that things could work out. Johnny had almost allowed himself to believe her, but he couldn't.

"_Lulu, are you even sure the baby is mine?" Johnny asked. "You're married, I'm sure there's a chance Matt is the father." _

"_No, I haven't slept with Matt in months," Lulu replied. "Since we started having problems. I'm only a few weeks along." _

"_I-I need to sit down," Johnny said, finding the couch. _

"_Johnny, I know we didn't plan this, but I think it's a miracle," Lulu smiled, sitting next to him. _

"_A miracle?" Johnny questioned. "Having a baby with the man you committed adultery with is a miracle?" _

"_So, you don't want the baby?" Lulu asked, looking away. _

_Johnny knew she was hurt and he hadn't meant what she thought he did. Of course he wanted the baby. In the times he had allowed himself to dream of a future with Lulu, one of the first things he had thought of was having children with her. He wanted a son that he could raise the way a father should raise his son. To make up for his own childhood. _

"_That's not what I said," Johnny argued. "I just don't know how to be happy about this when you're still married to someone else. What did Matt say?" _

"_He doesn't know," Lulu replied. "I wanted you to be the first to find out." _

_She paused and Johnny let his face fall into his hands. This was the last thing he ever expected to happen. He thought back to the night and morning they had spent making love and realized they hadn't used protection once. He had assumed Lulu was on some time of birth control pill. Who was he kidding? He hadn't considered any consequences, only thinking of being with her. _

"_I know it's a lot to take in..." Lulu said slowly. _

"_You're right," Johnny sighed. "Too much to deal with right now. I need to focus on Matt's case." _

"_We can't just ignore my pregnancy," Lulu fought. _

"_I'm not," Johnny replied. "I'm just asking for you to give me some time to think." _

He had been thinking nonstop since she left his apartment, but it didn't make things any clearer. He still had no idea what he should do. If there was a right thing to do. He felt so lost, even more than he had when Lulu had chosen Matt.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder and Johnny looked up to see Matt standing there. Speak of the devil. Johnny almost laughed out loud at how well that nickname fit what Matt represented in Johnny's life. Matt was the evil force keeping him from taking the woman he loved and their child and running off into the sunset.

"You ready to go?" Matt wondered.

"I would probably be better if you had been here when I asked you to be instead of showing up five minutes before time to start," Johnny said, a touch of anger in his voice.

"I got held up," Matt shrugged.

"Now is not the time to act like this trial isn't important to you," Johnny chided.

"It is important," Matt said with a smile. "I was trying to release stress."

"I really don't care," Johnny replied. "Just sit down."

"Fine," Matt sighed, taking a seat. "But I think you should have released some stress before you came. Being that uptight can't be good."

"I'm not uptight, I'm focused," Johnny argued. "Now, do you have any questions before we start?"

"No, I figure you'll do your best," Matt answered.

"Thanks for the confidence," Johnny said, wondering if he was really going to be successful.

"Do you need anything?" Lulu asked.

"I'm fine, babe," Matt smiled.

"I was talking to Johnny," Lulu replied, rolling her eyes. "I thought maybe he needed water or something."

"No, I'm fine," Johnny said, shaking his head.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Sheets," the bailiff called and Johnny and Matt stood.

"Here we go," Johnny whispered nervously to himself.

* * *

Lulu walked into the courtroom and approached the stand. It was finally time for her to win over the jury in Matt's favor. As she passed Johnny she glanced at him and he smiled reassuringly, just as a good lawyer would do to his witness. But Lulu's stomach fluttered all the same as it always did when Johnny smiled at her. Lulu stood and placed her hand on the Bible to be sworn in.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" the bailiff asked.

"Yes," Lulu muttered.

"Be seated, Mrs. Hunter," Judge Sheets said and Lulu did. "Your witness, Mr. Zacchara."

"Thank you, Your Honor," Johnny smiled, approaching the witness stand.

Lulu's heartbeat sped up as he came closer. They had rehearsed this testimony, but it still made Lulu nervous. She was supposed to tell the jury that Matt was a great doctor, husband and all around human being. She was going to have to lie.

"Mrs. Hunter, please state your relationship to the defendant," Johnny requested.

"Matt is my husband," Lulu complied.

"And how long have you known Dr. Hunter?" Johnny asked.

"Over six years," Lulu answered.

"Would you say you are an adequate judge of his character?" Johnny questioned.

"I've seen him at his best and worst, although his worst is certainly nothing to fear," Lulu smiled.

"What was it that attracted you to your husband?" Johnny inquired.

"Objection, relevance," Diane spoke up.

"Opposing counsel had the opportunity to show my client in a negative light. I'd like the same chance to show him in a positive light," Johnny argued.

"I'll allow it," Judge Sheets nodded. "Answer the question, Mrs. Hunter."

Lulu was frozen in her place. This was not a question that Johnny had prepped her for. Worst of all, this was not a question she remembered the answer to. Every second she stayed quiet, she hurt Matt so she decided to think on her feet.

"His charm," Lulu replied. "And kindness."

"I'm sure you can expand on that," Johnny said. "What made you say yes when he proposed?"

Lulu stared hard at Johnny, forcing a blush to her face so she came across as shy instead of a wife in a loveless marriage. Johnny was asking all of the questions she didn't have answers to. Questions that she asked herself everyday.

"I don't think it's one thing," Lulu answered, deciding to play into Johnny's game. "When you find the love of your life, you love everything about them. If you can explain love, then you don't really have it. It's when nothing about your love makes sense and when it's complicated as hell that you know it's real. So if you're asking me for a defining moment of how it felt to know I'd found the love of my life, I don't have one."

Johnny turned and looked at her curiously. He knew about her history with Matt and how they had gotten together. Lulu had told him several times that she had married Matt because it made sense and because it seemed like the right thing to do. Johnny had to know that when she talked about real love on the stand, she was talking about the love she had for him.

"In the time since you married Matt, how has your life together been?" Johnny asked.

Lulu laughed on the inside. Horrible. Atrocious. Miserable. But those weren't the answers she was supposed to give.

"Great," Lulu smiled.

"He's not hard to live with?" Johnny questioned.

"Isn't everyone at times?" Lulu countered, causing the courtroom to laugh.

"I'm sure, but that's not what I meant," Johnny said, hiding his smile. "Do you and your husband fight?"

Another question that was unrehearsed. A part of Lulu wondered if Johnny was trying to hang Matt. If that had been his reasoning for taking the case. She didn't believe Johnny would do something like that, though. She believed he was running on instincts and for some reason, his instinct was to ask these questions.

"Of course we fight, we're married," Lulu answered.

"How often would you say you fight?" Johnny asked.

"I don't keep track," Lulu replied, thankful for a chance to be honest.

"Can you guess?" Johnny pressed.

"I don't think it would be fair to give a guess when I could be very wrong," Lulu shrugged, then locked her eyes on Johnny, speaking to him and no one else. "I think it's more important to remember that no matter how many times we argue, the feelings don't go away. Having real love in your life is worth the cost of a few fights."

Once again, Johnny was caught off guard by her answer. She saw the wheels turning in his mind. She could see he was wondering who she was talking about and she knew she should glance at Matt for acting purposes, but she couldn't. She needed Johnny to know that when she thought of real love, she thought of him.

"How did you come into the knowledge that Dr. Hunter was being sued for malpractice?" Johnny asked.

"Matt told me as soon as he found out," Lulu answered.

"Did he admit to making a mistake in the surgery in question?" Johnny wondered.

"No, he said it was by the book," Lulu replied.

"Does your husband lie to you often?" Johnny questioned.

"No," Lulu responded.

"So, you believed him?" Johnny asked.

"Of course," Lulu nodded. "Matt has an excellent record as a surgeon."

"So, in your opinion as the person who knows Dr. Hunter personally best, if he had made a mistake in the surgery room, would he have admitted it?" Johnny inquired.

"Yes," Lulu said quickly.

"In your opinion, has Dr. Hunter ever done anything to deserve to lose his license?" Johnny asked.

"No," Lulu said, smiling softly. "He is an amazing doctor."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hunter," Johnny nodded, then turned to the judge. "Nothing further, Your Honor."

"Ms. Miller, your witness," Judge Sheets said, looking toward Diane.

"Hello, Mrs. Hunter," Diane smiled.

"Hi," Lulu replied, knowing Diane was trying to weaken her defenses.

"I was a guest at your wedding to Dr. Hunter," Diane recounted. "It was a beautiful ceremony."

"Thank you," Lulu said, wondering where Diane was headed.

"I loved your colors," Diane raved. "Black and teal, I'd never seen it before."

"Objection," Johnny interrupted. "This has nothing to do with the case."

"Sustained, get on with it, Ms. Miller," Judge Sheets demanded.

"Well, what I meant was, as a guest at your wedding, I must say, I didn't see love between you and your husband," Diane shrugged. "At least not love as powerful as the kind you spoke of here just a few moments ago."

"Is that a question or an accusation?" Lulu countered.

"Let me rephrase," Diane said, walking closer to Lulu. "Why is it that you never once said the defendant's name when speaking about love?"

"I didn't think I had to clarify who I was talking about," Lulu answered, hoping that Diane didn't have some kind of proof that would discredit the testimony.

"Well, I'm going to ask you to," Diane smiled. "Are you in love with the defendant, Dr. Matt Hunter?"


	15. Better as a Memory

A/N – Alright, I am not going to delay the reading of this chapter by my normal babbling. Just going to say enjoy and leave me a review!

**Chapter 14 – Better as a Memory**

Johnny sat quietly, not really paying attention to Diane's closing argument. He kept replaying Lulu's testimony over in his head. When she spoke of love, he felt like she was talking about the two of them. Their love was complicated as hell, not her relationship with Matt. So when Diane had asked the question, point blank, if Lulu was in love with Matt, Johnny actually thought she would say no. He hoped she would. In that moment, he didn't care about losing the case or Matt's license. He wanted Lulu to say she didn't love Matt.

But again, he was denied.

Lulu had said with conviction, sworn before God and the entire courtroom that she loved her husband. And Johnny knew in that moment that he had to stop torturing himself. Loving Lulu was destruction for him. He couldn't love her enough to keep her with him. He couldn't love her enough to change the fact that she belonged to someone else. He had to stop wondering if maybe things would change because they wouldn't.

It was really over.

He realized Diane was summing up and he tried to remember what he wanted to say. Tried to think of some way to convince the judge that Matt Hunter did everything right. A part of him wanted to give up his right to a closing statement and let Matt lose his license. It seemed something like poetic justice.

"Mr. Zacchara," Judge Sheets spoke, breaking Johnny's train of thought. "You may make your closing statement."

Johnny nodded and stood. He turned to look at Matt and then caught Lulu's eyes, wondering what she was thinking. She seemed calm, like she had all the faith in the world that he would win the case. He didn't have that faith. He had no idea what he was about to say, but as her eyes held his, he realized what he had to do. What was best for everyone.

"Matt Hunter is a young doctor," Johnny began softly. "He probably still remembers being an intern and working hard to be the best, so he would have the right to be a surgeon one day. And as his wife testified, he's also a good husband. I've gotten to know Dr. Hunter a little as I've spent time preparing for this case. I used to work with Mrs. Hunter, so I know her some, too. In my opinion, you won't find two people who deserve happiness more. But you see, a lot of people deserve happiness. Such as the departed family member of those who want to take everything from my client. She deserved happiness. So I guess, I can't ask you to judge Dr. Hunter on what he deserves because of his character. I can only ask you to picture something.

"Picture a little boy, shaking, fever of 102 and rising," Johnny said, closing his eyes. "He cries and he cries because he aches everywhere and all he wants is for his mom to make it stop. So, she rushes him to the hospital. She asks for Dr. Hunter because he's the only one who has ever cared for her son. The only one she trusts to make him better. But Dr. Hunter isn't there. He's at home, no longer getting to help sick people. So as the little boy cries and shakes, another doctor comes in to see him, but the child shies away from the stranger. He wants Dr. Hunter. But Dr. Hunter isn't there. He's at home, no longer getting to help sick people. The child eventually passes out, the fever having spiked so high. The doctors care for him, but it's still a rough road. He needed medical attention right away from his doctor. But Dr. Hunter wasn't there. He was at home, no longer getting to help sick people."

Johnny took a deep breath and opened his eyes, realizing the entire courtroom had gone silent. Some had their eyes closed, others on the edge of their seat. He shook his head slightly, searching for the words that would solidify his closing argument.

"Don't send Dr. Hunter home," Johnny said, looking at the judge. "Let him care for the sick patients out there who trust him. Those who depend on him and who know he will come through. Don't send him home."

* * *

Lulu had taken a long drive once the judge had dismissed the court for the day, saying there would be a ruling by morning. Her car had ended up at Johnny's apartment building and she sighed to herself before getting out and heading for his door. She knew he would probably push her away, but she needed to talk to him. To know if he had thought about their baby. She knocked on the door and was surprised when he opened it instantly, ushering her inside.

"I was expecting you," Johnny admitted, seeing Lulu's shock. "I know you're probably wondering if I've thought about the baby situation."

"I am," Lulu nodded. "I know you've had a lot going on, but I was hoping you had taken some time to think about it."

"I have," Johnny replied. "Probably more than I should have taken, actually."

"And?" Lulu wondered.

"And, I have to admit, this is a hard decision," Johnny sighed. "I mean, if I said that I wanted to raise my child, what would you do?"

"I would leave Matt and we would raise our baby together," Lulu smiled.

"Really? Just like that?" Johnny asked. "You'd publicly ruin yourself by admitting you had an affair and a child resulted?"

"I-I don't..." Lulu stuttered.

"You don't see the whole picture," Johnny muttered. "Your career goals are in your reach. You're a fantastic lawyer and Alexis wants to give you the position one day. But an affair, a lovechild and a divorce would be career suicide. I'm not going to let you do that."

"What?" Lulu whispered.

"You are the only woman I have ever loved," Johnny said softly. "Because I love you, I want you to have the future you planned for yourself. And as much as I wish that I was the man you planned that future with, I'm not. Matt is."

"But," Lulu protested, but Johnny pressed his fingers to her lips.

"You're married to Matt and as far as anyone else is concerned, you're having his baby," Johnny said, pain in his eyes. "We were never anything more than colleagues. Maybe friends. That's how it has to be."

Lulu couldn't stop herself from bursting into tears, sobs racking her body as she felt her heart shatter. How could he do this? She felt his warm arms wrap around her and she didn't fight the urge to lean into his embrace. It was the only place she had ever felt real peace.

"Please don't cry," Johnny whispered into her hair.

"How can I not?" Lulu wondered. "You're asking me to forget you ever existed. Forget that I love you."

"No, that's not what I want," Johnny said soothingly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I want you to remember, just like I'll always remember and cherish the moments we shared. The night we shared. Because the only place we were ever meant to love each other was in our dreams. Here, in real life, we have to accept that we were two ships passing in the night. A fleeting moment to hold forever in our memories."

"So what are you saying?" Lulu asked, tears still pouring from her eyes.

"I'm asking you to let go," Johnny answered. "To move forward. To stay on the route your ship was headed and not turn back for me. I'm not worth it."

"I want our baby to know you," Lulu cried. "Can you honestly tell me you're okay with not knowing your own child?"

"I wasn't at first," Johnny said, shutting his eyes. "I couldn't stand the thought of never holding my child. Our child. But, it's for the best. Your life is with Matt and my life is the law. I got a job in Albany, so as soon as Matt's trial is over, I'm heading there. I won't be around to see the baby be born or grow up and he or she won't know the difference. Matt will be a good father and you'll be a great mother."

"I can't believe you would walk away," Lulu muttered, standing up and wiping her eyes.

"I have to," Johnny shrugged. "I have to give my baby the best chance at a happy life. Which means being far away from me."

Lulu looked in his eyes and she could see it. The hidden truth in his words. He was afraid. Scared of what kind of father he might be. Of being a regret for her. He was scared of so many things, and giving love a chance was at the top of the list.

"I think you're making a mistake," Lulu said, trying to find words to change his mind.

"I think I'm finally doing something right," Johnny said, smiling sadly.

Lulu saw him stand, but before she could open her mouth to fight him once more, his lips were on hers. He kissed her deeply, more passionately than he had ever done before. She almost wilted under the intensity, but he held her upright and close to his body. The kiss ended as quickly as it had started and Johnny was by the door before Lulu could even think straight.

"I love you and that baby," Johnny said softly. "Enough to let you go because that's what's best."

He opened the door and Lulu walked over to it. She was still in a daze from being kissed, but she managed to stop in front of him and look at him closely. He was breaking his own heart to do what he thought was right. Lulu's mouth was dry, filled with words she couldn't bring herself to say. So against everything her heart and mind were screaming, her body acted on its own and walked out of his apartment.

* * *

Matt took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder at Lulu. She had come home late last night with tear tracks on her cheeks. She had gone straight to her room, the one she had moved in to at some point, and not come out until morning. Her face was flawless, but there was sadness in her eyes. Matt knew something had happened, but he didn't ask. She had never looked that sad over something that had to do with him.

He snapped out of his thoughts as Johnny took a seat next to him. Matt studied him carefully as well and noticed his lawyer seemed as if he hadn't slept a wink all night. He assumed Johnny was just worried about the verdict. Matt was concerned as well. He didn't know much about trials and he hadn't gotten a chance to ask Lulu if things looked good.

"All rise," the bailiff said and Judge Sheets walked quickly into the room.

"Be seated," Judge Sheets said, taking a seat. "I must say, this was an interesting case. I haven't seen too many malpractice cases in my fifteen years as a judge, so it makes it a little more difficult to rule on one. But in this particular case, I feel as though I've made the right decision. Dr. Hunter, please stand."

Matt stood on command and he felt Johnny rise to stand beside him. The moment of truth was upon them and Matt was actually scared. He glanced at Johnny who seemed confident, so Matt took a deep breath and met the judge's eyes.

"I find that you are a great doctor and you had the unfortunate luck of being the surgeon on a patient who was not savable," Judge Sheets said. "I do not find you liable in the death of Elise Sanchez. Your medical license will remain in tact."

Matt breathed a sigh of relief and didn't hear what else the judge had to say. He heard the courtroom start to buzz as everyone started to leave. He turned to Johnny and offered his hand. Johnny shook it and nodded at him. Matt turned to Lulu and saw that she was smiling, but still had a sad look in her eyes.

"I can't thank you enough," Matt said, turning back to Johnny.

"You don't have to," Johnny replied. "I just did my job."

"You did a fantastic job," Matt corrected. "Maybe you should think about switching to the other side."

"No, I already have a new job and I plan on staying where I'm comfortable," Johnny said, glancing at Lulu.

Matt noticed that Lulu looked down as soon as Johnny spoke the words. Johnny turned and made a show of putting his briefcase together and Matt wondered why they both seemed to be acting so strangely. He shook his head and stepped around Johnny.

"Well, good luck with it," Matt smiled, offering Johnny his hand again.

"Thank you," Johnny said, shaking his hand.

"Ready to go, Lulu?" Matt asked, causing Lulu to look at him.

"Um...yeah," Lulu nodded, glancing at Johnny. "Thank you, Johnny. I hope everything...I hope you...I want you to be happy."

"You, too," Johnny muttered, smiling slightly before looking back to his things.

Matt didn't miss the awkward exchange between his wife and his former lawyer. He put his hand on Lulu's back, guiding her out of the courtroom. He thought life was going to start over for them, but he wondered if Lulu wanted that or not. As they left the courtroom, she turned her head and glanced at Johnny one last time.


	16. Confessions

A/N - Hi everyone! Here is the update! This story is coming to a close, but I hope you will all read my other story that I just started, called _Go the Distance. _Okay, no more delaying this. Read and please leave me a review!

**Chapter 15 – Confessions**

"Are you okay?" Matt asked, sitting down on the couch next to Lulu.

"What?" Lulu asked, snapping out of her daydream.

"I asked if you were okay," Matt repeated. "You've seemed really out of it since yesterday. Almost like you're not happy I got to keep my license."

"No, that's not it," Lulu said, shaking her head. "But I'm not okay."

"What's wrong?" Matt wondered.

"Everything," Lulu breathed. "I have a lot of things I have to tell you. Starting with, I want a divorce."

"What?" Matt gulped.

"You heard me," Lulu said firmly. "I want a divorce. This marriage was a mistake at best. I'm not happy and that's not going to change."

"This is coming out of nowhere," Matt replied.

"No, I told you right after you told me about the lawsuit that I wanted to leave," Lulu argued.

"What's changed between us, Lulu?" Matt asked.

"So much," Lulu answered. "I don't love you anymore. I don't think I ever loved you the way a wife loves her husband. We were just a couple who got complacent in our relationship and I take partial responsibility for not stopping it before it went too far."

"You're serious about all of this?" Matt questioned.

"Yes," Lulu nodded.

"So, why didn't you stop it?" Matt wondered. "Why did you agree to marry me?"

"Because at the time I didn't know better," Lulu shrugged. "But now I do."

"What does that mean?" Matt asked, looking at Lulu closely.

"I need to be completely honest with you," Lulu said, taking a deep breath. "I am in love with someone else."

"Who?" Matt asked quietly.

"Johnny," Lulu muttered.

"I don't even know if I'm surprised," Matt said, shaking his head. "I thought I sensed something between you two."

"I honestly didn't plan it, but I don't regret it either," Lulu replied.

"So he's why you're leaving?" Matt questioned. "You're going with him to his new job?"

"No," Lulu answered, holding her composure. "I am leaving because it's for the best."

"Can I ask another question?" Matt wondered.

"Sure," Lulu shrugged.

"Did you sleep with him?" Matt asked.

"Yes," Lulu said, meeting Matt's eyes. "It wasn't a long term affair. We only spent one day together."

"Wow," Matt exhaled. "So, is that all?"

"No," Lulu admitted. "Johnny and I are having a baby."

"You've got to be kidding me," Matt yelled, standing up and pacing.

"I'm not," Lulu replied, standing up. "We fell in love and we made a baby and I'm happy about it."

"I'm not even mad," Matt sighed. "I just can't believe you did all of this without me even knowing."

"Really?" Lulu asked. "We're so out of touch, Matt. I don't know anything about you anymore and it doesn't even bother me not to know."

"Well, hopefully it won't bother you to know that I had an affair, too," Matt said, glancing at Lulu.

"That nurse, right?" Lulu wondered. "Gina something. The one who just had to be at every day of your trial."

"Yeah," Matt nodded. "She's not exactly subtle."

"Maybe you two can be happy," Lulu offered.

"I didn't think we would ever get to this point," Matt muttered. "Going our separate ways, wishing each other well. Feels strange."

"It's long overdue," Lulu said, taking a deep breath. "But despite everything, I do hope you find happiness. I hope you find the kind of love I feel for Johnny."

"If you love Johnny so much, why aren't you going to be with him?" Matt asked. "I mean, you two are having a kid together."

"It's complicated," Lulu said, tears filling her eyes.

"I can't imagine how it could be so complicated that you two aren't going to raise your child together," Matt noted. "I know that I haven't shown it since we got married, but I want you to be happy, too. And I think that means you should be with Johnny."

"You're right," Lulu admitted, wiping her eyes. "I'll only be my happiest if I'm with Johnny."

"Then go get him," Matt smiled.

* * *

Johnny was in his kitchen, packing the last of his dishes for the move. He flipped closed the top of a box and taped it shut. He reached for a marker from the drawer of miscellaneous items and his hand found something else instead. He brought the object up to his level of vision and sighed heavily. It was only a highlighter.

But it was _**Lulu's**_ highlighter.

Her favorite to be exact. She had left it behind in his office when they were working on the Alcazar case and he had been quick to take it and hide it from her. She had accused him of stealing and he had denied it adamantly. Eventually her precious purple highlighter had made its way into his briefcase and into the drawer that was currently ajar in an empty kitchen.

Johnny, still holding the highlighter in his hand, had walked slowly into the living room and fallen into the couch. He didn't know how he was going to go on with his life if he couldn't even stand after finding something as trivial as a highlighter that belonged to Lulu. He was just thankful there were no pictures of them together that he might stumble upon. They would probably reduce him to tears.

He took a deep breath and looked at the highlighter and could picture her smiling. Smiling and highlighting her notes, desperately trying not to admit that he was getting under her skin.

"_So, do you try extra hard to never smile or is it natural?" Johnny asked, laughing out loud. _

"_When I'm speaking to a jerk, it's natural," Lulu quipped, running the highlighter over something she deemed important. _

"_A jerk?" Johnny scoffed. "Is that the most colorful adjective you could come up with?" _

"_You don't want to know the things I could come up with," Lulu said, glaring at him, but Johnny could see the smile she was trying to hide. _

"_Hmm, what if I do?" Johnny pressed. _

"_Well, I certainly don't want to do anything to make you happy," Lulu smirked. _

"_Aww, now that is low," Johnny stated, leaning over and snatching the highlighter out of her hand. _

"_Hey, that's mine!" Lulu said, reaching for the highlighter but coming up empty. _

"_Looks like it's mine now," Johnny said, smirking at her arrogantly. _

"_Give it back," Lulu pouted. _

"_Why?" Johnny wondered. _

"_Because it's my favorite and it's not nice to steal," Lulu answered. _

"_It's not nice to call me a jerk either," Johnny noted. _

"_Only a jerk would steal my highlighter," Lulu countered. _

"_Fine, let's make a deal," Johnny offered. _

"_I'm listening," Lulu replied. _

"_You take back your comment, I give back your precious purple highlighter," Johnny suggested. "Why is it your favorite anyway?" _

"_Because purple is pretty," Lulu shrugged. "And I like my work to be highlighted in a pretty color." _

"_Fair enough," Johnny relented. "Do we have a deal?" _

"_All I have to do is say you're not a jerk and I get the highlighter back?" Lulu asked. _

"_And mean it," Johnny added. _

"_Fine," Lulu sighed. "You, Johnny Zacchara, are not a jerk." _

"_Thank you," Johnny smiled, handing her the highlighter. _

"_You're just a thief," Lulu said, rolling her eyes. _

"_Typical Lulu," Johnny said, shaking his head. "You always have to get the last word." _

_At that, Lulu finally let go of her laughter and Johnny couldn't help but laugh as well. _

Johnny stood and placed the highlighter on the built in shelf near the door to his apartment. He would leave behind the highlighter, just as he was leaving behind Lulu and their child. Leaving was best for everyone. Or so he kept telling himself.

* * *

Lulu had honestly been shocked when Matt had encouraged her to go after Johnny. At first, she had dismissed the notion, knowing that Johnny would most likely reject her and she would have to deal with all of the pain of losing him again. But as she had packed all of her essentials with plans for heading toward the Metro Court for the night, she began to wonder if maybe she could change Johnny's mind. He had admitted to loving her. To loving the baby they had made together. Maybe if she just fought him one last time his resolve would crumble and they would become a family.

She turned her car around and headed for Johnny's place. She didn't have that much hope that she could change his mind. But she did know if she didn't at least try, she would regret it for the rest of her life. She parked the car and exited quickly, thinking on her feet about what she would say. How could she change his mind once and for all and make him see that the only place they belonged was together? She wasn't really sure, but she knew it was time to find a way. She needed him and he needed her. Their baby needed both of them.

She arrived at his door and knocked furiously several times. She leaned her ear against the door and tried to listen for the sounds of movement. He would at least come to the door to see who it was. She knocked again and still heard no sounds coming from inside. She knew he wouldn't just let a visitor go unanswered.

_**Unless...**_

Lulu felt the tears rush to her eyes and her curiosity got the better of her. She tried to turn the doorknob, but it wouldn't twist. She pulled a pin out of her hair and quickly jimmied the lock and took a deep breath before letting herself in.

She looked around the room and found it bare. All of Johnny's things were gone. The only things that remained were the furniture that had come with the apartment. Her eyes wandered around and caught on a small purple object. She moved closer to the shelf and let her fingers fall to her purple highlighter. She let out a sob as she held it in her hands. Her feet led her to the couch where she sat and cried silently.

She was too late.

She considered throwing the highlighter in the trash and turning to leave. She knew she needed to force herself to deal with the fact that he was gone. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. She dropped the highlighter to the floor and let herself sink into the couch, lying on her side. She placed a hand over her stomach and shut her eyes tightly, praying that she would wake up and find that losing Johnny was all a bad dream.

"What the hell?" a voice said, coming from the doorway.

Lulu sat up, struggling to see the door from her former position. She looked up to find Johnny standing in the doorway, looking at the door that she had inadvertently left open when she had broken in. His eyes roamed the door and he turned the knob in his hand. She cleared her throat audibly and he snapped his eyes to her.

"Lulu," Johnny muttered. "What are you doing here?"

"I have a confession to make," Lulu said softly.

"What kind of confession?" Johnny asked.

"I love you too much, I need you too much," Lulu whispered. "I'm not going to let you go."


	17. Can't Say No to Love

A/N – So after this, there is an epilogue. I hope this lives up to everything that everyone wanted it to. I really appreciate all the readers of this story, which has been the longest one I've ever done. So thanks for sticking with me through it all. Happy reading and please leave a review!

**Chapter 16 – Can't Say No to Love**

Johnny knew leaving in the middle of the night was cowardly. Just packing up and going under the cover of night was not something a man of honor did. But he had a hard time considering himself a man of honor after everything he had done. Everything he was doing. He was leaving behind everything he loved most in life and never actually fighting for any of it.

So he had packed all day and loaded everything. The only room left was his bedroom. He had packed most of his clothes, but had put off his overnight items and his bedding. He'd left those things for last, leaving himself the option to spend the night in Port Charles if he felt too tired to make the drive to Albany. He approached his apartment, deciding it was best to just pack up his bedding, throw his last bag into the car and get out of town as soon as possible.

When he got to the door, his mouth fell open.

"What the hell?" Johnny asked in disbelief.

He almost felt sorry for the poor sucker who had tried to rob him and found his place empty. Of course, he doubted that a thief would just leave the door open. That would attract attention. He looked at the door and turned the knob, wondering if perhaps he had forgotten to lock the door.

He heard someone clear their throat and he glanced toward the noise, finding Lulu standing in the middle of his living room. What could she possibly be doing there? He wondered if he had the heart to push her away again.

"Lulu," Johnny muttered. "What are you doing here?"

"I have a confession to make," Lulu said softly.

"What kind of confession?" Johnny asked.

"I love you too much, I need you too much," Lulu whispered. "I'm not going to let you go."

Johnny took a deep breath. He didn't know how to respond to that. He could see her pain clearly on her face and it broke his heart all over again. He was hurting her. His choices had hurt her. Yet here she was, standing here fighting for him. Something he had never had the faith or courage to do for her.

"I know you told me that us being together wouldn't work," Lulu said shakily. "That it would destroy my career. And you may have a valid point about my career, but the thing is, I don't care. I don't want to be the best lawyer to ever hit Port Charles if it means I stay in a loveless marriage. If it means my baby never sees the amazing father it has. No career accomplishment would matter to me if I didn't have you."

"When we met your career was the most important thing to you," Johnny noted. "What changed?"

"I changed," Lulu smiled. "I changed because I finally found love that wasn't self-serving. I found love that was real and meaningful. I found that in you. And because of that, my career isn't even the second most important thing to me. We're going to have a baby. And you and that baby are the most important pieces of my life. I don't care if I never handle another case, if it means we're all together."

"You're entirely too good of a lawyer to never handle another case," Johnny said, meeting her eyes.

She looked at him, her eyes filled with tears. He knew she was scared. Scared of him walking away. But he was scared, too, and he wondered if his fear shone in his eyes. He was afraid of the way he needed Lulu. His heart was begging him to sweep her up in his arms from the second he saw her in his apartment, but his head was keeping him rooted to his spot. He wanted to believe that this was real, but he had heard everything he wanted to hear from Lulu once before and then she had changed her mind. He knew he wouldn't survive it if that happened a second time.

"I know you're probably worried about Matt," Lulu said softly. "But I already left him. I didn't pack all of my stuff yet because I just wanted to get out of there for the night. But I told him it was over. I told him the whole truth about us and about the baby. And even if you still decide that you don't want to be with me, I'm not going back to him. I'm not going to be with a man I don't love."

Johnny nodded and looked away so Lulu wouldn't see his small smile. She really did know him better than anyone ever had. She knew his fears without him even having to voice them aloud. She had also left her husband and was sticking to that decision. His fears were melting away but he still needed to be sure.

"How did Matt take it?" Johnny wondered.

"Surprisingly well," Lulu laughed. "I don't think he loved me either."

"I don't think it's possible not to love you," Johnny muttered, catching her eyes.

"Maybe you're biased," Lulu suggested, blushing slightly.

"Maybe I am," Johnny admitted. "So, it's really over for you two?"

"Yeah," Lulu nodded. "I'm sure the divorce will be quick. The only joint asset we have is the house. We never even combined our checking accounts."

Johnny just stared at her, his mind finally coming to the realization that his dreams were coming true. She was here for him, wanting to love him and there were no other complications. All he had to do was say the word and she would be his forever.

"So, are you in the market for an attorney?" Johnny asked.

"I guess," Lulu said, her face twisting in confusion.

"Well, I know this guy," Johnny said, taking a step in her direction. "He's not really experienced but he just won a case as a defense attorney and he'd never done anything like that before."

"I think I know that guy," Lulu said, taking a step herself. "But I heard he was leaving town."

"You can't believe everything you hear," Johnny said, taking another step. "See, he wanted to leave to make things easier for the two people he loved most, but now he doesn't think leaving is the best option."

"Oh? What does he think is the best option?" Lulu wondered, taking another step.

"He thinks that the best option is embracing his happy ending," Johnny replied, closing the rest of the distance between them. "He thinks he should be a father to his child. Be the man the woman he loves deserves. He thinks he should stay right where he is and let love conquer what seemed like insurmountable circumstances."

"I think he's making the right decision," Lulu muttered, leaning up on her tiptoes and slowly wrapping her arms around him.

"I do, too," Johnny smiled, pulling her even closer to him. "He just has one thing to say."

"What's that?" Lulu asked.

"I love you," Johnny whispered kissing her forehead, "I always have," he continued, kissing her chin, "I always will," he finished, finally kissing her lips.

"I know," Lulu nodded, pulling away. "But promise you'll love me up close?"

"I promise," Johnny nodded.

"I love you," Lulu breathed, kissing his lips softly. "I always will."

Johnny smiled at her and then kissed her passionately. He started to lay her back on the couch, but she stopped him. He looked at her questioningly and she laughed, pointing to the door that still remained open. He laughed as well and kissed her chastely on the lips before moving toward the door, shutting it and locking it.

"So, how did you get in here anyway?" Johnny asked. "Did I leave the door unlocked?"

"No, I picked the lock," Lulu admitted, blushing slightly. "But I was so afraid when I came in here and saw the apartment bare. I thought I was too late."

"You weren't," Johnny replied, pulling her back into his arms.

"I did find something interesting though," Lulu smirked, looking into Johnny's eyes.

"What's that?" Johnny wondered.

"My purple highlighter," Lulu answered. "The one you swore you didn't steal from me."

"Oh," Johnny muttered.

"So, do you have anything you might have lied about that you want to tell me?" Lulu asked.

"I might have stolen your highlighter," Johnny relented. "But it wasn't anything malicious. I just wanted you to notice me."

"I noticed you alright," Lulu replied, kissing his neck softly.

"I love you," Johnny whispered, pulling away to look in her eyes and placing his hand on her stomach. "I love the little one inside of you. I can't wait to meet our baby."

"I'm just so glad you're getting the chance to," Lulu said, covering his hand with her own. "We're going to be a family."

Johnny smiled and connected their lips in a sweet kiss. He lifted her easily into his arms and headed for his bedroom. He kicked the door shut with his foot and moved toward the bed. He laid her down carefully, settling his body over hers.

"You're beautiful," Johnny said, running a hand along the side of her face.

Lulu leaned up and kissed him slowly, her hands going to the buttons on his shirt. She undid them one by one as they continued to kiss. She pushed his shirt off of his shoulders as he moved his lips to her neck. He kissed down her body as she took her shirt off. He lingered against her stomach, pressing several soft kisses there.

"I love you, baby," he muttered and Lulu smiled.

She ran her fingers through his hair as he worked his way back to her lips. Johnny's lips caressed hers and she lost herself in the amazing feelings he evoked in her. Before she knew it, they were both completely bare and he was taking her breath away with every move he made. He continued to kiss her everywhere as he made love to her slowly, the way he knew he would for the rest of his life. He would always savor and enjoy every moment he spent with her because she and their baby made his life complete.

* * *

Johnny rolled over in bed and reached out to pull Lulu to him. His hand found nothing but cool sheets and he quickly sat up and looked around, needing assurance that the previous night wasn't just a dream. He got it in the sound of Lulu moving around the bathroom. He exhaled in relief and got out of bed, quickly pulling on some sweatpants and going to check on her. When he got into the bathroom she was wearing his button up shirt and rinsing her mouth out. He gave her a questioning stare.

"Morning sickness," Lulu mumbled and Johnny smiled. "Why does that make you smile?"

"It's just that even though you've just been sick, you still look beautiful," Johnny replied, moving closer to her and rubbing her back.

"I don't feel very beautiful," Lulu sighed, leaning against Johnny.

"Well, you are," Johnny promised, kissing her forehead. "More beautiful every day."

"I'm gonna get fat," Lulu replied, leaving the bathroom and crawling back into bed.

"Our baby is going to grow inside of you," Johnny corrected, climbing in next to her. "I can't imagine a more beautiful process."

"You're too sweet to me," Lulu muttered, cuddling into his side.

"Hey, Lulu," Johnny said softly, looking down at her.

"What?" Lulu wondered.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" Johnny asked.

"A boy," Lulu answered quickly.

"Really?" Johnny questioned.

"Yeah," Lulu nodded. "And I want him to look and act just like you."

"Of course you do," Johnny smirked. "You want a handsome son with tons of charm."

"And a boatload of modesty," Lulu said sarcastically.

"I'm not cocky, I'm confident," Johnny replied and Lulu laughed.

"What about you?" Lulu wondered. "Boy or girl?"

"I just want the baby to be healthy," Johnny smiled. "But, I guess if I had a choice, I would want a son, too."

"Why?" Lulu asked.

"So I could prove to myself that not every Zacchara man has to be a bad father to his son," Johnny admitted. "Before I met you, I wouldn't allow myself to consider being a father because I assumed I would be cold to my child like my father was to me. But now, because of you, I know I have the capacity to love."

"You're going to be the best dad our baby could ever ask for," Lulu said with confidence.

"And you're going to be a great mom," Johnny said, kissing her forehead. "So, what does your heart desire for breakfast this morning?"

"Nothing, I'm still nauseous," Lulu replied, closing her eyes.

"You have to eat something," Johnny insisted. "For the baby."

"What do you have?" Lulu sighed.

"Well, nothing," Johnny laughed. "I tossed all of my food, so I'll have to go out. So, you can have anything you want."

"Hmm, so I can have a blueberry muffin and an apple turnover from that bakery on Main Street?" Lulu asked.

"I thought you weren't hungry. Now you want all of that?" Johnny wondered.

"I'm pregnant, Johnny," Lulu said, rolling her eyes. "I reserve the right to change my mind from one second to the next."

"Does that mean I should take my phone with me in case you change your mind again while I'm gone?" Johnny questioned.

"It's probably a good idea," Lulu smiled.

Johnny laughed and pressed another kiss to her forehead before getting out of bed. Lulu watched him get dressed, smiling to herself and feeling so lucky for finding a man who she loved so completely and who loved her the same way. She climbed out of bed and wrapped her arms around him from behind as he pulled on his watch.

"Thank you for loving me," Lulu whispered as Johnny turned to look at her.

"Thank you for loving me," Johnny replied, placing his hand on her stomach once again. "And for giving me a family."

Lulu leaned up and caught his lips within hers in a tender kiss. All that they had been through was worth it in that moment. The moment where all that mattered was each other and the baby they had created together.


	18. Epilogue

A/N – So we've come to the end of another journey! This one is extra hard to let go of for me! I think it was because it was my first journey into the world of extreme angst. I've really appreciated all of you who have read and commented and taken this journey right along with me. Just a quick note on this chapter: I have no personal experience here, so I'm working off of research...if it's not completely realistic, I apologize. Hopefully you have enjoyed this story and will continue to read my work in the future! So, without further ado, I give you the end of _Change of Heart_.

**Epilogue – Just the Three of Us**

"Lulu, please stop," Johnny begged, taking the mobile out of her hands. "Or I'm going to have to kick you out of here."

"Johnny Zacchara, you will _**not**_ kick me out of my baby's nursery!" Lulu exclaimed.

"Your baby?" Johnny asked. "I think it's our baby. And I don't want to kick you out, but you promised you wouldn't do anything and you're breaking that promise."

"Putting together a mobile is practically doing nothing," Lulu pouted, crossing her arms over her protruding stomach. "I want to help."

"It's too much strain on you," Johnny argued, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. "You're lucky you're not on bed rest being this far along."

"I wish we moved into the house sooner, so I could have helped decorate the nursery." Lulu sighed.

"You know, most women would be happy to delegate to their man about what to do and how to do it," Johnny said, shaking his head. "Here you have the perfect opportunity to do just that and you're wasting it."

"I like when you call yourself my man," Lulu smiled, leaning against him.

"I like being your man," Johnny replied, wrapping his arms around her. "So, promise me again. You will sit in the rocking chair and tell me what to do. No getting up and trying to do it yourself."

"I promise," Lulu muttered, looking up at him.

"Good," Johnny said, placing a gentle kiss to her lips. "So what do you want me to do next?"

"Put the mobile on the crib and make sure it works," Lulu directed, lowering herself carefully into the rocking chair.

"So do you think our little boy is going to like this?" Johnny asked, going to work.

"I don't know, I hope so," Lulu said, smiling as she thought about it. "The guy at the store said that they were really popular. I know my dad told me that I loved my mobile when I was little, so maybe our little boy will, too."

"You know, we need to pick out a name," Johnny suggested.

"I tried thinking of some, but none of them seemed right," Lulu replied. "I think it will come to us when we hold him for the first time."

"Well, we could come up with some options to have in the back of our minds," Johnny said, finishing up with his task and testing it out. "What do you think?"

"It's perfect," Lulu said happily. "Now you need to put together the changing table."

"Okay," Johnny nodded.

"Do you have any suggestions for name options?" Lulu asked.

"Well," Johnny said thoughtfully. "What about Leonardo? Isn't he your favorite actor?"

"Oh please," Lulu snorted. "We're not naming our son after Leonardo DiCaprio."

"I was kidding," Johnny laughed. "We could name him Lucas. Like your dad."

"No," Lulu shook her head. "Maybe my dad's middle name for our son's middle name, though."

"Alright," Johnny replied. "Do you have any choices in mind?"

"Not really," Lulu shrugged. "I just want it to be perfect."

"It will be," Johnny assured her. "He will be."

"Can you believe he'll be here any day?" Lulu asked.

"No," Johnny answered. "It seems like only yesterday we heard his heartbeat for the first time."

"And we both cried," Lulu teased.

"I'm not ashamed that I cried," Johnny countered. "I was a little surprised, but not ashamed."

"I know I'll cry again the first time I see him in your arms," Lulu said softly, rubbing her stomach.

Johnny smiled and stopped what he was doing. He walked over to Lulu and knelt in front of her, placing his hand over hers that was on her stomach. She looked into his eyes and smiled as he leaned in to connect their lips. He pulled away after a few moments and brought his other hand to her face.

"I love you," Johnny whispered.

"I love you, too," Lulu breathed.

* * *

After Johnny finished decorating the nursery and they ate dinner, he and Lulu headed for bed early. Johnny turned on a movie for them to watch and quickly fell asleep, cradling Lulu in his arms. Lulu wasn't able to sleep for hours and she kept shifting positions, trying to get comfortable.

"Johnny," Lulu said softly, looking up at the ceiling.

"What? Are you okay?" Johnny asked, shooting up out of bed.

"I'm fine," Lulu replied, smiling at his instant worry.

"Then why are you awake at this hour?" Johnny wondered, pushing a stray hair out of her face.

"I'm thirsty," Lulu said, looking at Johnny lovingly. "Do you think you could get me a bottle of water from the kitchen?"

"Of course," Johnny answered sweetly. "Anything else?"

"No," Lulu replied.

"I'll be right back," Johnny muttered, kissing her forehead.

As Johnny got out of bed, Lulu felt a tightening of her stomach and she let out a painful yelp. Her hand went to her stomach and Johnny was at her side in an instant.

"Are you okay?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah," Lulu nodded, still breathing hard as the pain started to subside. "I'm sure it's just another Braxton Hicks contraction. I've been getting those for a couple of weeks now."

"How many have you had tonight?" Johnny questioned in concern.

"Just a few," Lulu shrugged.

"How many?" Johnny asked.

"I don't know exactly," Lulu answered. "I guess about every twenty minutes or so since we went to bed."

"Okay, I think I should take you to the hospital," Johnny said, quickly heading for the closet.

"Johnny, I'm fine," Lulu argued. "Dr. Lee said we're not supposed to go unless the contractions are like five minutes apart."

"So I'm just supposed to sit here and watch you in pain?" Johnny asked. "I don't think so."

"Johnny, if I went to the hospital now, they would send me home," Lulu sighed. "Now just come lay down and we'll talk and everything will be fine."

"How can you be so calm?" Johnny wondered, falling into bed beside her.

"I'm not, but you're freaking out so much that I have to pretend I am," Lulu laughed.

"I'm sorry," Johnny offered.

"It's okay, you're allowed to freak out," Lulu said, kissing him on the cheek.

"No, I'm supposed to be the one coaching you and helping you breathe," Johnny said, shaking his head. "We took all those classes for a reason."

"And I'm sure when we get to the hard part of the labor, you will be amazing," Lulu smiled.

"I'm going to try to be everything you need me to be," Johnny promised. "So what do we do now?"

"Just hold my hand and go back to sleep," Lulu instructed. "You'll know when I get another contraction."

"And then what?" Johnny asked.

"Then check the time and remember it and start keeping track of how often I get them," Lulu continued.

"Okay," Johnny nodded, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to the top of it. "But once they get to eight minutes apart, we're going to the hospital."

"Johnny," Lulu protested, but Johnny kissed her, cutting her off.

"It's a long drive and I want to drive slowly and carefully," Johnny explained. "And I want you comfortable in a hospital bed once the contractions start getting heavy, not in a car."

"Alright," Lulu conceded.

"Lulu," Johnny whispered, turning on his side to face her.

"Hmm?" Lulu asked, turning her head to look at him.

"Our baby is coming," Johnny smiled.

"I know," Lulu replied, smiling as well.

* * *

Six hours later, Johnny determined Lulu's labor had progressed enough for them to go to the hospital. They entered through the ER and were immediately taken to an exam room so Lulu could be looked at. The nurse paged Dr. Lee at home and told Johnny and Lulu she would be there shortly.

"We should have called the hospital and told them we were coming in so she could have been here already," Johnny sighed, pacing the room.

"It's okay, Johnny," Lulu replied. "The contractions are still six minutes apart and I haven't even lost the amniotic membrane."

"What does that mean?" Johnny asked with wide eyes.

"You know, when my water breaks," Lulu explained.

"Was that supposed to happen already?" Johnny wondered, stepping close to her.

"I don't know, I'm just trying to get you to stop worrying because you're making me nervous," Lulu said, shutting her eyes as a contraction came.

Johnny gripped her hand and she responded by squeezing it tightly. He whispered in her ear, telling her he loved her and soothing her as the contraction finally passed. Lulu opened her eyes again and smiled at him as he kissed her hand and then her forehead lovingly.

"That seemed like a tough one," Johnny winced.

"They're getting a little worse, but I'm fine," Lulu replied.

"You're amazing," Johnny smiled.

"Hello," Dr. Lee said as she came into the room. "So, I hear your contractions are about six minutes apart, is that right?"

"Yes, and they're getting stronger," Lulu answered.

"Okay, they're preparing a delivery room for you upstairs, so I think it's best we go ahead and move you up there and then I'll examine you and tell you how your labor is progressing," Dr. Lee said, helping Lulu out of the bed. "There's a wheelchair for you right outside."

"Thanks," Johnny said, helping Lulu as well and leading her outside to the wheelchair.

"Johnny," Lulu muttered, holding his hand as she sat down in the wheelchair.

"What?" Johnny asked, looking into her eyes.

"You're going to stay with me, right?" Lulu wondered.

"They won't be able to pry me from your side," Johnny promised.

"Is everything going to be okay?" Lulu asked.

"Yes," Johnny nodded.

"Good," Lulu said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Come on, this way," Dr. Lee said, smiling at them.

* * *

Johnny winced as Lulu squeezed his hand tighter than ever and let out a cry of pain. She was so strong and even though she had been in labor for hours, beautiful in his eyes.

"Johnny," Lulu whined.

"I'm right here," Johnny offered, rubbing her back supportively as the contraction ended.

"I hope you only want one kid because it's all you're getting," Lulu said, looking up at him with weary eyes.

"Whatever you say," Johnny smiled, kissing her forehead.

"Don't do that," Lulu pouted.

"Do what?" Johnny asked.

"Look at me like that," Lulu explained. "I look awful and you're looking at me like you always do."

"Hey, you look amazing," Johnny replied. "And I'm looking at you like I always do because I love you and I can't help but look at you like this."

"I love you, too," Lulu said, leaning her head on his arm.

Johnny leaned his head against hers for a few seconds before she sat up, yelling out in pain as another contraction racked her body. Dr. Lee came in the room with a grimace as the contraction ended. Johnny wiped Lulu's forehead with a cool rag and she leaned against him again as Dr. Lee examined her.

"Okay, Lulu it looks like you're almost ready," Dr. Lee said, finishing the exam. "I'll be back in about five minutes."

"It's never going to end," Lulu complained.

"Yes, it is," Johnny soothed. "Dr. Lee is going to come back in a few minutes and then we're going to meet our son."

"I don't think I can do it," Lulu sighed, reaching for Johnny.

"Of course you can," Johnny said confidently, wrapping his arms around her. "You are the strongest person I know. I know you can do this because I know you can do anything you put your mind to."

"Really?" Lulu asked.

"Absolutely," Johnny nodded, kissing her softly.

"I don't know how you do it, but you make it better," Lulu said, smiling up at him.

Johnny smiled back and kissed her again. They broke apart as Dr. Lee entered the room once again. The nurse who had been in the room all along, monitoring the machines prepared herself as Dr. Lee announced it was finally time for delivery.

"Okay, Lulu, now I need you to push when I give the word," Dr. Lee instructed and Lulu nodded.

"You're going to be great," Johnny whispered in Lulu's ear, helping her sit up.

"Now, Lulu," Dr. Lee commanded.

Lulu pushed with all of her strength and squeezed Johnny's hand within hers. She screamed as she pushed, putting everything she had into it.

"Okay," Dr. Lee said, smiling. "Good first push, relax for a minute."

"First?" Lulu asked. "How many more?"

"Just a few," Dr. Lee said reassuringly, but Lulu sighed.

"Hey, what color eyes do you think he's going to have?" Johnny asked, trying to take her mind off the pain.

"I hope they're brown," Lulu muttered.

"Dark brown like mine or a cross between our eye colors?" Johnny wondered.

"Dark, like yours," Lulu smiled, closing her eyes and imagining her little boy.

"Okay, Lulu, time for another push," Dr. Lee called out.

Lulu sat up again and Johnny kissed her hand. She pushed with all her might, letting out an even louder scream than she had the first time. Johnny's eyes widened, sure she would break his hand in half if she kept gripping it so tightly.

"Good," Dr. Lee encouraged. "That was very good."

"Ugh," Lulu exhaled, glaring at Johnny. "I hope you really enjoyed the last time we had sex because it was the last time."

"Okay," Johnny said slowly.

"You don't want to have sex with me anymore?" Lulu asked, sounding hurt.

"I want whatever you want," Johnny replied, not knowing what to say to avoid her wrath.

"I want to have this baby," Lulu yelled.

"Another push, Lulu," Dr. Lee directed.

Lulu did as commanded and screamed out as her body felt the effects of the excruciating pain.

"You're amazing," Johnny breathed, wiping the sweat off of her forehead.

"No more pushing, I can't do anymore pushing," Lulu cried.

"Yes, you can," Johnny reassured her. "One more, alright?"

"One more?" Lulu asked, looking to Dr. Lee.

"Yes, Lulu, one more and your baby boy will be here," Dr. Lee smiled.

"One more," Lulu said softly to herself, sitting up. "One more. One more. One more."

On the word of Dr. Lee, Lulu pushed as hard as she could and within seconds, she heard the cry of her newborn son ring out. She relaxed back onto the bed, completely exhausted. Her eyes caught Johnny's as he pressed a kiss to her forehead before Dr. Lee let him cut the umbilical cord. Lulu watched him smile proudly as the nurse placed the tiny little boy in his arms for the first time. She felt tears leak down her cheeks as he moved closer to the bed. She peeked into the blue blanket and saw their little miracle, nestled comfortably in his daddy's arms.

"He's perfect," Johnny muttered, looking at Lulu.

"He really is," Lulu agreed, reaching her hand up to wipe away the tear that had leaked out of Johnny's eye.

The nurse came to take the baby and clean him up before quickly bringing him back. She placed him in Lulu's waiting arms as Johnny sat next to her on the bed.

"What are we going to name him?" Johnny asked as he studied his son.

"What do you think of the name Aiden?" Lulu wondered and Johnny smiled.

"Aiden Lorenzo Zacchara," Johnny murmured and the little boy yawned contentedly in Lulu's arms. "I think it's a perfect fit."

"Hey, Aiden," Lulu cooed. "Your daddy and I are so happy to finally meet you."

"She's right, buddy," Johnny smiled, running his fingertips down Aiden's cheek. "But you'll learn pretty quickly that your mom is always right."

"What exactly was I always right about that brought on that sentiment?" Lulu questioned, looking at Johnny.

"You were right when you said that real love conquers all," Johnny whispered. "That you and I could find our way to each other through impossible circumstances. That the three of us could be a family."

"That wasn't about being right or wrong," Lulu replied, leaning against Johnny as he wrapped an arm around her. "That was about having faith."

"I'm glad that you did," Johnny said, holding one of Aiden's hands as he leaned his head against Lulu's. "Because if you didn't I would never have this moment. A moment when I feel so complete. I have you and Aiden and my heart is filled with love for both of you. And I'm happier than I've ever been."

"I feel the same way," Lulu muttered, turning her head to connect their lips briefly. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Johnny breathed and Aiden gurgled softly causing the proud parents to look at him. "Daddy loves you, too, Aiden."

"So does Mommy," Lulu said and Aiden gurgled again as Lulu turned to Johnny. "He says he loves us, too."

"You speak baby, now?" Johnny asked.

"I know my son," Lulu laughed.

Johnny laughed as well and they settled back into the bed and sat in silence as they watched their son. So much had happened and changed in a little over a year's time, but every change had been for the best. The changes had led them to a feeling of complete bliss that passed between them as they experienced their first moments as a happy family.

And there were many more blissful moments to come.

THE END


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